I can't stop convicing myself to kill myself

[brazen tinsel]

For years i have want to just kill myself, i am autistic 15 and transgender mtf. Recently thought of it has intesified a lot after coming out as trans to my mum and she told me she would help but nobody in my family will support. She lied and hasn't been helping, disregarded hiw i may feel and thinks the lgbtqia+ is nuts. Earlier she found an edgy joke i made on a private story to friends about going into a life a as femboy. For 2 hours i can't stop thoughts of like drinking bleach and the sleeping into my death or just grabbing a knife and killing myself. I am sort of worried she may even find this post.. Additional info, like 1 ½ weeks ago i went to doctors to talk about gender dysphoria and said that because you are autistic you probably aren't and that 'most people don't feel better after'. I don't know what to do i don't want to kill myself but i can't stop tue thoughts. One of my friends blocked me on everything for no reason, they were the only person i could talk to and now i am all alone. I want to be able to grow up and see how i will be they way i want to be but i can't. Also the waiting list for me to even get any special counselling was 4 years.

[mild atlas]

From one autistic person who’s had suicidal thoughts to another you can get through this.
If you’re really needing support try a hotline.
The people on crisis hotlines are there to help you get through life’s rough moments.
Sometimes life goes down sometimes it goes up.
You are valid in being a girl.
I personally am not trans but I am autistic.
We have a habit of just focusing on the bad shit in life and being pessimistic.
You can get through this and you are good person.
It would be a travesty if you died, it’s a tragedy when anybody dies young.

[mild atlas]

I’m hoping you read this and know that at least one person in the world gives a damn about you.

[brazen tinsel]

Thank you, I have been trying my best to think as optimistically as i can however the negative thoughts have been taking over way too much and it is all just so much. I really wish to even be able to cry about it all but no matter how horrible i feel i just can't cry about it

[mild atlas]

It’s ok to cry.
I cry to I was bullied heavily in school last year and lost it a few times.
I’m very empathetic and just hope you’re doing ok.
I probably have no idea really what your pain is like but I can at least try to help and comfort you.

Are you doing a bit better?

[brazen tinsel]

Yeah

[mild atlas]

Wish you the best just send a message if you got something you want to say.

[brazen tinsel]

Ok

[keen delta]

Make that 2 (do dumbasses count as people?)

I think so

[mild atlas]

Yes

[mild atlas]

You still doing good?

[brazen tinsel]

Yes

[mild atlas]

That’s great I hope you have good night.

[urban cloud]

I’m also autistic, transfem, and 15.
I went thought a lot like what you did, and hated myself for so long, but I can assure you it does get better
I’m not sure what to say, but if you just need someone to talk to or someone to listen, ill do my best

[mild atlas]

You doing good on this fine Monday morning.

I just realized you are European so I hope you’re sleeping well.

[brazen tinsel]

I am doing good

[mild atlas]

You still kicking

?

[mild atlas]

You doing ok still