versed island
I feel like I'm on a train that's barreling towards a concrete wall and all I can do is watch and feel the horrifying vibrations of the wheels on the track.
For starters, I love music, but it feels like as much as I practice, I can't be good enough to make something meaningful of it, and now that I'm majoring in music education, it feels like a double whammy because the stupid fucking state of Ohio passed legislation that not only requires teachers to out trans kids to their parents, but teachers have to go by their sex assigned at birth, and I can't change that because of where I was born, not even with a court order.
I've been seeing more and more hate crimes on campus, just the other day someone vandalized a rainbow cross walk with black paint, and they removed gender inclusive housing so now I'm stuck with a bunch of boys and it just feels so uncomfortable.
Recently, my computer, which has been my blessing as an escape from this horrible reality, stopped working. My childhood cat, whom I loved deeply, passed away in what I wish I could call a painless manner, and I couldn't even be home to be with her as she went.
There's this Subnautica quote from Sunbeam, "This is Sunbeam. Y'know, Aurora, we're from a little trans-gov on the far side of Andromeda, and we have a saying there. There's no bad without the good, no good without the bad. Sounds like you tasted a bunch of the former, but that only means you're overdue a whole lot of the latter." But at this point I can't help but wonder when that will happen, if at all. I'm not thinking about ending things, but it's really starting to hurt and I'm running out of ways to cope.
pallid pier