I.. (Warning, suic!de.)

[modest cedar]

In the recent posts I put in #1184736502605938788 , I explained that I wanted to change my name and people gave me a bunch of ideas, (Tysm btw !) And I used them. Until my godmothers birthday. We went to her house, and she went to the kitchen while asking me if I wanted a soda.
I said yes.
She was drunk, and heard "I'm gay."
I refused, and she said these words and my mother agreed,
"We'd disown you together if you were gay."
.
Im lesbian.
My mom's Homophobic.
|| I wanna die ||
My new name will make them assume im trying to be a boy.
Are they transphobic too?
Thoughts are spinning round my head.
I dont think I'll tell anyone.
|| I'll think I'll kill myself. ||
Lemme get a response first.

I.. (Warning, suic!de.)

Im desperate

Shaking.

It hurts.

.

Oh yeah, um, my mom was sober when she agreed. And drunk words mean sober thoughts, right ? Ha..

[north basalt]

It's really hard to not be accepted by your family, but you can find a new life without them. It hurts but someday you will find people that support you unconditionally.

[cyan torrent]

I'm so sorry to hear your family is like this, unfortunately, it's often like that.. My best advice (which probably sucks, sorry) is to sadly just keep your head down around them. Trying to affirm yourself might lead you to even deeper issues, which we don't want. If you have a close friend group or something like this, you could however experiment with them, as long as they are okay with it. I know just how hard dealing with ||the suicidal thoughts|| is, I've been there before.. But please, just be strong, as hard as it seems, life is worth living, and things will get better. The path to self love, acceptance and healing is long and complicated, but I promise it will all be okay.

I'm sorry, I don't have much more I can say. My dms are open if you ever need to talk.

I wish you the best for what comes next ! <3