buoyant pebble
Ah yes, another pathetic rant in this forum. How many times have I posted to this? 5? 10? You don't need to read this. You don't have to comfort me. So why are people here? I'd wonder. Because if they cared, WHY DO I STILL FEEL SO FUCKING EMPTY?
So like I have trouble sleeping, and I have to take melatonin. I often forget to take them, so my mom always has to give it to me. Yesterday, I took 2. I forgot the amount of mg but like, I was not supposed to have two. But I did not feel tired at all. So, I took 2. My mom didn't notice me taking it, so she gave me the "proper dose" I've been told to take. In other words, I had like, 3-4 pills? Today I woke up, and we got our new IDs at school. I looked at the back, it says "Services available at all times:"
The very first "service" listed? The suicide hotline.
I tried to hold in my laugh.
In the rare case I called it, let's be real. ONE SHITTY PHONE CALL WILL NOT FIX ALL MY PROBLEMS. then I heard some other guy somehow try to make a joke about it and he said "ayo any depressed bitches need a hotline?"
I try not to flinch.
I don't want help.
I've tried to escape this lonely void, but I can't.
Just falling deeper. It just gets worse every day.
Then I remember, I can escape painlessly.
Oh God, I'm so pathetic. I can't even stand up for myself.
Oh God, I'm so sensitive.
Every single action is a mistake.
Every decision spells regret
(Omori reference? Woahhhhh)
(God why can't I take anything seriously)
I keep saying God but I don't fucking believe in him I'm that stupid
I did my research. Usually melatonin isn't fatal. I probably won't die. But I would sleep awhile. At least I could escape having to live, for a day.
So you know what? Tomorrow night, I'll take 6.
Will it kill me? Definitely not. but it's a lot higher than what I'm supposed to take.
I wish that if I die I get isekai'd into the pjsk universe and actually be the 5th member of n25