frozen oriole
Ok, so, lifes been a huge struggle recently and I need someone to just.. listen. I should be grateful for what I've got, I got accepted into college for something I'm super into (But now having second guesses on.), I got a kitten, I have a car and a roof over my head and meals and a nice family. Life should be great but its not and I feel like I'm being ungrateful for that... So much is wrong that I can't put it all in one message
I'm terrified of school and its to the point I'm having panic attacks over it. I'm horrified for many reasons and nobody in my family gets it because they all apparently felt the same too..
I also feel I'm disappointing my family cause I'm still jobless unlike my younger brother and I waited until basically the deadline to apply to college. My grandma had to help pay my car insurance it was that bad..
On top of that, I cannot for the life of me get my Bio-dad to respond to my messages but I dont wanna push him too much. He hasn't messaged in two months and thats unusual cause if he doesnt text he's calling, and all I've gotten is radio silence, so idk if i've messed up there too somehow
(* mentioned here) ||Its getting to the point in life where everything is going wrong Im so low that the thoughts of yk are coming back again. Nobody noticed last time, and I only stopped because somehow I got out of my mental ruin. But,, its getting harder to ignore it as of recent for various reasons unrelated and maybe also related to everything mentioned in this vent (Ironically, I have a very symbolic tattoo over this topic heh)||
But, its just all hormones in my families minds, cause of course it is. Thats the same excuse every time. The last time I got this bad I was basically wasting away in bed every day of summer and it was the same excuse then too. I don't want that again but I'm scared I'll fall back into my bad habits and never get a job and fail school and get nowhere
weary saddle