||I can't fucking do this anymore. I want to starve myself I wish I was better at it I want to kms. Maybe I'd be more loved if I was. Maybe my parents wouldn't fucking despise me. Maybe I'd be cared for. Maybe that one guy that I have a crush on would fucking notice me. I want people to treat me as fragile as I am inside. I want to starve and then be treated like someone that can break at the slightest touch. And this isn't even about being skinny. Skinny-ness is a pro to it but I'd have control over something for once in my life. I'd have control and I'd be hurt and I deserve that hurt. That's why I starve. I used to starve because I liked the feeling. I love the way I double over in pain when I haven't eaten. I love when my stomach feels like it's being punished. I don't deserve anything but pain. That's why I've relapsed. I've started self harming again. Granted I just started yesterday but still. And god it hurts and helps so much. I feel so much better when I feel the pain the day after I cut myself. The day after and it's all pure pain and I cant even touch that spot or I cringe because of how much it hurts. I fucking hate myself. I wish I wanted to be fixed but I don't. I don't want to be better. I need to be worse. Because ar least I can control when I have a cut on my thigh and when and what I eat, right?||
#Hey so I'm getting worse. Tw: SH, ED, genuinely mentally ill stuff(like bad mentally ill)
misty cape
listen. if you need to talk, I’m here anytime. DM me. you’re hurting and I want to help you.
I'm sorry you're feeling that way and I hope you'll be okay soon.
cerulean helm
||I can't fucking do this anymore. I want to starve myself I wish I was better a...
hey hey hey 🙁 pls pls take a breath rn ok?? i’m so so sry ur feeling all this at once… i’m not gonna pretend like i know exactly how u feel but i am here. and i’m listening. every single word u said? i hear it. ur not dramatic. ur not “too much.” u r hurting and that’s real and valid and deserves care not silence.
and omg i kno it doesn’t feel like it but starving and hurting urself doesn’t make u more worthy or more lovable 🙁 ur not unloveable. ur not hated. ur not too broken. the way ur parents or ppl make u feel?? that’s on them, not on u. i swear if i could wrap u in a hug rn i would n just let u cry if u needed to bcz u don’t have to carry all this alone.
u deserve love rn. not when ur thinner. not when ur more hurt. not when ur more in control. rn. just as u r. and i rlly hope u know that i’m not saying any of this bcz i “have to”—i’m saying it bcz i care. even if it’s just over text. even if we’re just mutuals. i do care.
plssss don’t go thru this alone. vent to me if u need. like fr dm me anytime. i got u. ur not a burden. i’ll say that again just in case u forgot—ur. not. a. burden. ily. and u matter sm. 🫂💗
topaz notch
tysm <3