Normal?

[fervent vault]

I struggle to see the point of life, each day passes by like it's only a hour, each day I feel a piece of myself die... I've lost my sense of happiness, my laugh fake, if you move to touch me, I flinch... I stay more quiet than I used too, I don't see myself the same way everyone else does... I lost the feeling of knowing how love feels, I've been lied too so many times it's hard for me to tell if anyone is telling the truth.. I get attached to some people too easy, hoping for things that will never happen. I try to tell myself that everything will get better, but with every thought I've had, every word that's been said to me, I'm slowly dying, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I've heard things that nobody even said to me, I used to never do that. I've died once and yet, even after I've been revived... I kinda wish I was still dead... I'm even wondering if anyone would care if I died... Would anyone care enough to notice..? They tell me they do, but their actions slowly say otherwise... I wonder why do we even live..? Do we live to be judged by others? Do we live to get treated like shit to be choked against a wall as if it was no problem...? My mind wasn't like this when I was younger, my thoughts were always positive back then... Nowadays I can hardly find any good thoughts...

[frozen trench]

i agree with you im not going to try lighten the mood because i go through near enough the same thing everyday a pice of me goes i sit down at my desk with one less emotion one less piece of the person i would want to be i dont really care wether im alive anymore death doesnt scare me cause i know theres going to be something after death

nothing feels like what it used to almost as if everything i had experienced, all of the joy and good times was fake,

[fervent vault]

Yeah... Then if I try defending myself against something then suddenly it's my fault, suddenly every LITTLE mistake I made in the past is brought up and then I'm this and I'm that... I'm just tired of it all dude... Like is this not too much for someone in general?

[frozen trench]

exactly?! recently my mum has been victimising herself actually morelike over the last few months now everything is my fault so i just do my own thing in my room now, slowly and slowly distancing myself from everything

[fervent vault]

One moment, I'm your son the second I make a small mistake boom, I'm disowned... But yet the next day you call me 'son' and you tell me you love me...

[fervent vault]

Yeah... My dad is like that ..

I don't even feel like I have my own life at this point... I just feel like I'm living for other people.. If I'm not following his rules or doing things his way then suddenly I'm a mistake, I'm the reason for you and my mom fighting, I'm the reason why you put your hands on her in front of me... I GET IT, I'M THE REASON FOR EVERYTHING NEGATIVE, CAN YOU JUST STOP THROWING IT IN MY FACE AFTER EVERY DAMN MISTAKE?!

[frozen trench]

yeah everything is being turned onto me now idek why then im expected to be all happy and why am i not socialising, why have you been so distant from me and im thinking what? you have caused this not me. everything is turned onto me

[fervent vault]

I've been traumatized by him and yet he expects me to go to school and act like I'm fine, like I haven't seen or been through hell, like my home life isn't shit! I can't fucking do that, I've been doing that for too damn long... I'm tired of following your rules so I can be what you want me to be.

[fervent vault]

Exactly...

And now I'm such a problem child, 'all I go to school for is to get in trouble ', It isn't what I go to school for, it's not my fucking fault for me reacting like that from everything you put me through! And now I have to 'prove' to you that I'm 'changing' my ways, that I'm not going to get in ANY more trouble if you let me go back to school and see the few people I actually enjoy being around!

[frozen trench]

yeah, recently im always a nuisance at school because of what goes on at home i only try to go to school to get away from everything and now that the school thinks im a shitty human being they treat me no better then what goes on at home so the one place i would go to just to have a few hows of peace, if u know what i mean is now nobetter then home life

[obtuse cairn]

PEPOLE JUST REMEMBER NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT NEVER GIVE UP

[frozen trench]

well school was never good due to people who ruined it for me, my closest friend who i though would be the friend to be with me until we grew old turned out to be a backstabbing piece of shit im ridiculed in school i block the m out like the dude from silent voice lol.

[fervent vault]

Yeah, I know what you mean... I can't even have that happen because a group of little shits bully me because I look and act gay, like okay and? I act how I act, I'm not changing my ways for assholes like you

[frozen trench]

i only go in to get stuff off my chest

[fervent vault]

Damn... I've had that happen a few times... At school the guidance counselor asks me if I'm alright every now and then and I just tell her yes so that she doesn't bring CPS to my house and my dad doesn't start all over on his 'your a mistake' speech

[frozen trench]

exactly everytime i waslk past school counselors they ask the same thing and i also say yes because even though im blamed at home for everything i still wouldnt want to lose her, its a weird feeling of love towards my mother

and if cps came to my house she would probably say the same thing aswell

[fervent vault]

I don't love my dad in the slightest.... I love my mom but yet my parents are somewhat struggling with their marriage so I don't even know if my mom will be in my life later on because of him...

[obtuse cairn]

HAVE ANY OF YOU HEARD OF NICKA30

[frozen trench]

theres not much i can say there because i dont have a dad because he was abusive, sorry but i do feel really bad for you

[obtuse cairn]

HIS QUOTE IS NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT NEVER GIVE UP

[frozen trench]

this isnt the place.

[fervent vault]

That won't work on people who've already gave up on life and everything else.

[obtuse cairn]

Oh

[fervent vault]

Oh... Well your lucky... I'd rather not have a dad...

[obtuse cairn]

STILL NEVER GIVE UP

[fervent vault]

I already gave up on life...

[obtuse cairn]

Reverse uno

[fervent vault]

No.

[frozen trench]

i mean i do seem like a basic person to say this but you can ttry to run away with your mum ir call the police because it might do something

[obtuse cairn]

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY WERE ALL DEPRESSED

[frozen trench]

i have never really had a father figure in my life because of his abuse and he still trying to get in my life and ruin it more but i can see where you say youd rather not have a dad

and i know how shitty it must feel holding that feeling in

[fervent vault]

No... It won't work since he'll just put on a friendly personality and convince the officer that everything's fine, then I'd get a lecture and maybe a hit or two before he takes my phone and stuff

[frozen trench]

oh..

[fervent vault]

Yeah...

[frozen trench]

how old are you may i ask?

[fervent vault]

Besides if I did run away with my mom we don't have enough money

[stable pilot]

I know this is gonna sound out of place, but the musical Ride the Cyclone explained life's meaning very well for me.
We live life just to live it. Life sucks, like a lot, but we go through it just to experience it. It's cringe af but life is just a giant amusement park 💀 you have fun sometimes, throw up because it sucked, meet horrible people, meet good people, and just go through on the ride like everyone else because we're here. There's people who hate it and people who love it, and there's just some people who ruin everything for others cause they can't keep their own life together.
It just sucks to suck, and only chooses to be good when it feels like it. Life can suck it and it doesn't care. We keep living it because we might as well keep going despite everything for the one time experience
That's all there is to it ;
Be born, live, have fun and / or hate it and then die.
Darn, my advice always sucks or sounds cringe af.

[fervent vault]

I'm fourteen..

[frozen trench]

oh same

[fervent vault]

Nice

[frozen trench]

but aat the age where you can get a part time job any type of job you can save to just rent an apartment far away then work form there to get a restraining order

its what me and my mum and sister did before life went to shit again

[fervent vault]

Mm..

[frozen trench]

other then that theres not much else i could say to be honest

but for now i think im going to go offline and try to sleep b ecasue i have been up for 48 consecutive hours and i feel like im about to drop dead

so if you wanto someother time you can dm me?

and we can talk then - if you wanted to

[fervent vault]

Sure, I could friend you if you want..

[frozen trench]

yea, that would be fine with me

[fervent vault]

Alright..

[frozen trench]

so.. yea until next time

[fervent vault]

Yeah..

[junior plover]

Yess

Even tho the Convo is over