I don't feel like I am even a human

[wide trout]

I spent so long growing my hair even if it was only a few months, then got a haircut, I hate it, today, I had to put on a belt for something, it felt too tight, I despised it, I hate myself.

I wish I knew if I really wanted to be a girl or if I was just lazy, I hate myself, I feel like I am in a meat prison, for the past 4 years I felt these feelings of my body wanting to tear itself apart, and I know what it is now, it's the dysphoria, I hate it, I hate everything, my hatred is beyond anything, I hate so much it is the only thing to distract me from my dysphoria, I know it isn't healthy, but nothing will change.

Why does it hurt so much more when you know why it hurts

[wide trout]

I don't know anymore

I'm searching for a job to get anything

But nobody's hiring

I'm tired of living in this hellhole of a country

I'm tired of living in one big slot machine

I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THIS GAME ANYMORE

I'd rather have the void beyond than keep doing this shit

I already know religion is bs

Nobody wants me anywhere

All I do is the right thing the wrong way

Maybe I should just ask for a fucking sylveon or Blåhaj plushie for my birthday in a week