#I’m curious to see if any of you relate to this!

55 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

jade isle
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This is gonna sound ridiculous and I’m going to do my absolute best to make what I’m about to talk about coherent for everyone because I’m very well aware that some of this will probably not make sense so don’t be shy to ask if I need to explain/elaborate on anything ^^

So this will be just a lot of things that I have personally experienced my whole life, and I’m very curious to see if anyone out there relates to the way I see the world because I’m searching for the answers that nobody has. Before I continue, I will put a trigger warning up so read at your own risk! Although I will do my best to make this as trigger free as possible.

So let’s start with one of the things I’ve experienced ever since I could remember that also ties into a lot of the other points I’m going to make. I believe the medical term for what this is is Depersonalization/Derealization. I’ll explain how I experience this. Ever since I could remember, I wondered why I saw things through my perspective and not everyone else’s. Or how I never notice how the things that are happening in my life are actually happening. I know that’s a tad confusing. And I know the obvious reason is “you’re alive duh!” But that reality never felt true to me? Because how I always saw myself was an observer who stole this life from someone else. My only job is to observe? And I don’t exactly know how old I am, what I look like, etc even though on paper it’s crystal clear but to me it feels like it was scripted. And when I look in the mirror, I see a stranger I’ve never met. That also leads to problems with finding a clothing style because it’s kinda hard when you don’t know what you look like. Another thing is, when I picture myself, I picture a little child with short blue hair wearing a white t shirt and white shorts. That probably says something. Then if I look harder, I see a glowing orb, a teal orb. Maybe that’s my actual form? Dude I know I sound actually insane but I’m a psychology/philosophy obsessed nerd. Besides that, something that happens because of this is I’m very observant since I obviously made it my job to observe. I read your tone and facial expression so well it’s crazy. I understand social cues very well, I understand conversation flow and everything along those lines because I’m so used to observing people from the sidelines = which makes action harder because I don’t realize like hey this is your life, you control it! Nah, it’s never felt like that before. That brings me to my next point! This world feels so preprogrammed. I know that sounds obscure but when you observe your whole life, you notice patterns in things, and life kinda just repeats lol. Like I meet the same friends every year, every friendship ends the same way, I’ve seen like pretty much everything (I know I sound like an old man 😭) but I’m dead serious, it’s very weird. I wouldn’t even be surprised if someone told me that we’re just in a fake world that was made by someone else like a video game or something. Which also makes me wonder why we try so hard for our futures if in reality, none of it was real? This sounds highly philosophical but these are real questions that I ask on the daily.

This is just some of the things I experience! I have a whole list of other things as well. Anyway, I made this so I could maybe find people who may or may not relate to some of the things I experience because a lot of it makes no sense 😭. I would write more but I ran outta room lol. I might just write more on the bottom of this instead.
Anyhow, thank you for reading!

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Here’s like.. a continuation of that of other things I’ve experienced,

Firstly , I always type in paragraphs, apparently that isn’t normal because normal people text in 3 words or something and I’m over here giving you an essay thru text (this is a great example). Second, I like twisting words? Like some examples of this is person = preson, child = chilld-ay, instagram= stargram , girl = grill, first = frist, etc etc. I’m not entirely sure why this happens to be fairly honest. I can also feel emotions in words? For example, “forget it” or it was like “never mind” or something in Chinese would feel like a jab in the chest. That probably makes no sense, my bad 😭. Let’s see.. I can visualize places when I text. So for example, a few years ago I was texting on this game I really enjoyed playing and I pictured my old ice skating rink. Now when I think of the ice rink, I think of the text. I also dream everyday! I have kept a record of all my dreams to the best of my ability on a google doc that’s 100+ pages long. I’m not even kidding, it’s a problem. Oh yeah! I also count time using songs. Like if the store was 15 minutes away, I would say that’s roughly 2 and a half songs long because it takes that many songs to play in order to get there. Compared to if it was 25 minutes away, that would be roughly 5 songs in total. People also don’t age! I mean they do, but not in my mind. For example, my brother, if you ask me for his age, I’ll tell you he’s 7 or 8 when he’s actually older than that. Same with my grandpa, I thought he was 81 for the past 6 years. Then someone corrects me and I’m like wait what? There’s no way!

Anyway, I have so much more than just this 💀 it’s becoming concerning lol. I hope this makes sense !

worldly dawn
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pls give a tldr gang 😭

orchid surge
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i think i can relate to some of this

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sometimes it feels like i just kinda bodysnatched myself a few years ago and have to live with the consequences

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i can notice things in people (im pretty sure thats just normal in general)

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i dont understand social cues though. or rather idk how to respond to them

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i often get stuck on making decisions cus im so used to watching other people and letting them decide what to do

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the "twisting words" thing i tend to do jokingly? not really to the extent that you do but sometimes ill just do that for fun

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boy -> buoy

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the emotions in words thing kinda just sounds like you associate the words with their connotations a lot

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dreaming every day is insane tho wtf

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counting time using songs… sometimes i do that, dividing periods of time into 2.5-3 minute increments

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it feels like its measurable, like i can tangibly count when the "song"s start and end

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idk about people not aging in your mind; it could be something unique to yourself or maybe its just your mind is stuck in the past ¯_(ツ)_/¯

jade isle
jade isle
jade isle
jade isle
jade isle
jade isle
jade isle
orchid surge
jade isle
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your good

orchid surge
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I WASNT JOKINGGGGGGG

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fucking

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character calls another character her "buoytoy" cus fish puns are her fuckingn thing

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and now i just have that ingrained in my head

jade isle
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HELP

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THATS SO FUNNY
It’s definitely happened to me before, like it just gets stuck and every time you see the word, it becomes what was imprinted

cobalt violet
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Honestly most of it sounds relatable or like things I have heard (rather frequently actually) from other people. It sounds pretty normal to me.
I definitely prefer typing in paragraphs, as it's the way I speak.
I found ways to explain the patterns. It's pretty logical actually. Humans are in fact coded to a degree by the brain, so you tend to have habits you can't get rid of causing a form of repetition.

Measuring time in songs is totally valid. Sometimes I do that, sometimes I don't. In the end time is a social construct and you can theoretically measure it however you like.

The first part sounds a bit like derealisation and depersonalization, but keep in mind that even healthy humans experience it! It's the same as someone coughing doesn't mean they're having pneumonia.

jade isle
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I feel like a lot might just be nothing but some of it sounds odd

cobalt violet
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Odd doesn't mean bad, ya know?

jade isle
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No yeah it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad, I’m just curious if I can find answers to all of these because I’m well aware some of this doesn’t happen to a lot of people out there

cobalt violet
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What answers exactly are you seeking?

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Because to me it just sounds like behavioural traits.
Are you worried they might indicate something?

jade isle
cobalt violet
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Oh boy ^^'
That makes it rather complicated

jade isle
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Who knows what answers I’ll get, but one thing I do know is I would like to know why I experience any of this , and for like one of them (I never mentioned it) I’d like to know how to make it stop

cobalt violet
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I see

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I can see if I can find logical answers for all the above mentioned things then.
But not today or tomorrow. I think I might pass out soon for whatever reason. (I swear I hate this body)

jade isle
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Aha yeah no worries, your job isn’t to find the answers for me

I was just wondering if anyone experienced anything similar

cobalt violet
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Mhm
I find such tasks interesting. Dissecting human behaviour is fun ^^ just not when in this state lol

jade isle
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honestly yeah, I’m a huge psychology nerd

cobalt violet
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:)

jade isle
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Well, lemme know if you find anything lol

cobalt violet
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Will do

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If not, feel free to ping me in a few days or so

jade isle
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Sounds good! If I remember

cobalt violet
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For the first mentioned thing: derealisation/depersonalization.
Parts of what you describe definitely fit that definition. Feeling like nothing is real or not recognising yourself or not knowing what you look like for example. It's part of dissociation and can have multiple (non-disordered) explanations. Some people tend to dissociate as a default, which is partly genetic. Meaning you're prone to develop forms of dissociation and when you started to think about it at some point it caused this form of derealisation/depersonalization. May I ask if you also zone out a lot? In your case it actually sounds like high intelligence being the issue ngl. In other cases autism, adhd, borderline personality disorder and dissociative disorders can cause those symptoms. But except for maybe the first two I'd say you don't exactly meet the criteria for those diseases.
I'd say the glowing orb is not exactly your true form but what you think your essence or soul might look like. Some spiritual people might now be able to say what the colours say about you or give theories about alternate universes. I'm not one of them. But remember: what you see yourself or your essence as is not always the same thing as a "true form".
Reading people and intellectualising their behaviour sounds like another sign of high intelligence.

Will continue in another paragraph

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Programmed world:
That's the first logical flaw I find. There will always be patterns in everything, correct. But that doesn't prove the theory of living in a video game. It just refers to the natural order tbh. In a way humans are programmed by their genetics. We can't escape it. We're bound by things like intelligence or empathy etc. But that doesn't mean it's worthless. Even if everything was just a simulation, it is reality to us, so we should make the best out of it. The same way we would want to achieve great things in a video game. Otherwise why would we play any game? It's programmed, pre-written.
Next thing: you seem to be stuck in routines a lot as well. I've less patterns in my life than you have. I don't have any (observable) structures for meeting friends. That doesn't mean I'm free of any patterns. Friendships end similarly or to be precise used to end similarly. Why? Because of my own behaviour. I changed things and friendships are different now. It's about my core personality and how I was socialised that dictate how I reacted.

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Have to do irl stuff. But will continue going down the list soon.

jade isle
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Ah , yeah possibly