I'm trying to figure out hot to come out to my parents... they're outwardly lgbtq-accepting but they seem really uneducated and I'm scared that my kinda niche identity will confuse them and make them mad. My sibling is queer themselves, lesbian, so I know they're at least supportive of other sexualities (probably won't mind that I'm bi-mlm), but I'm worried they'll be weird about my gender. I was kinda accidentally partially outed to my mom, but I kinda swept it under the rug and ignored it because I didn't want to talk to her about it (since I wasn't sure really what I was then). I have no idea if my dad knows anything at all.
Any tips for how to come out to them and which one to tell first (if I do it separately)? My mom knows more but seems less accepting, or at least she's been really weird about it so far and has kinda pushed me to come out and talk to her and all that. My dad knows almost nothing about it afaik and he's not super well-educated on the topic in general, but I think he's more likely to try to be supportive. At the same time, he's been mildly nonbinary-phobic in the past ("just pick a side" kind of guy) and I'm not sure he'll understand that I'm not fully a trans guy, just nb/transmasc.
(For those who don't get it, I want to be seen as mostly a guy to a random passerby or less-close people, but I want to be seen more neutrally by close friends and family, he/him or they/them)
#Coming out as nonbinary transmasc
willow bobcat
Wow I did not realize I wrote that much lmao
frigid frigate
i think you just gotta say what youre feeling
better to put it in your own words
than to use labels
that way theres no strange jargon that can sound uninviting to your parents
willow bobcat
But I don't think they'll understand that I don't necessarily want to be fully 100% a man, I just want to be anything but a girl
frigid frigate
then say that! say you just dont really feel like either
willow bobcat
Fair enough...
On top of that, my mom got really weird the few times my name change came up :/
she put a lot of effort into finding a more gender neutral name for me, which I respect and I do think has helped me a lot, but unfortunately it became a girl's name in my mind the moment it was placed upon me as a girl
And it makes me really uncomfortable now
And she gets super mad every time it comes up because she doesn't get that it makes me really uncomfortable
Just the whole "I tried so hard to get you an androgynous name and you still choose to change it?"
Like
I don't want that androgynous
I chose fucking James for a reason lmao (though I use Jamie too for more androgyny, which I think is part of what pisses her off so much)
A technically semi-androgynous name given to a girl is not equivalent to a properly masculine name
Plus I really want to change my middle name from the really feminine name of an old great aunt I never knew to the masc name of the grandfather who I loved dearly and apparently almost perfectly resemble in terms of likes/dislikes/habits/etc.
and for context, my parents named my sibling and I so our first and middle initials are the same
So now my first and middle will be JJ
That grandfather is the only reason I'm not going to change my name when I get married
Because every other person in my family makes me lean towards wanting to change it
Distance myself from them
But he's my father's father
And he was the last full blood Jew in my family
Has a very Jewish name
And that is a piece of my heritage I am very proud of