I have no idea where to start. I’m scared. So scared. It’s just been getting worse and worse and it’s building up more and more and I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I’m constantly anxious, I think everyone hates me, everything just makes me feel sick, I constantly feel weak or on the verge of tears or a panic attack. I’ve stopped opening up to my friends and parents because their either don’t give a fuck (when I tried opening up to my mum she flat out said that I’m a teenager with a roof over my head, there’s nothing hard I can go through) or they have their own shit to deal with and I can’t go dragging them down, it’s not fair for me to make it harder for them. Honestly though I actually think because of this I’ve accidentally cut the people I considered real friends off. It just hit the holidays and boom, no one has said anything to me, I ask someone if they want to hang out and oops their busy every single time, or I turn up to the thing and oops “i forgot”. Today I also had my crush tell me they liked my best friend, and the thing is they would be so cute together and I can’t be mad at either of them because their both amazing people, I just hate myself for struggling to be happy for them, I want to be happy for them so why does it hurt so bad. I’ve realised that no matter how much someone hurts me it always feels like it’s my fault. I’ve tried setting boundaries with people before and they don’t listen, over and over they just hurt me and they don’t care. So why did they even pretend to care when I started hurting myself, they would hit, scratch and make me cry but when I started hurting myself all of a sudden it was bad. To be fair though they got bored of that after a while and stoped caring if I hurt myself, well some of them did, my ex said they didn’t even care that I self harmed, 3 of my once very close friends would threaten to hurt themselves every time I did or would/still threaten to kill themselves when I talk about my mental issues
#Vent because life’s just getting to hard (tw for sh)
grim cloud
That was long
Damn, to think I’ve hit a low so bad I started talking to strangers on the internet because I’ve pushed away the people I should trust
wise flicker
Think about it this way this is probably the lowest you'll ever be but you can only go up from here
Im sorry for no like real advice i can just be a bit of a yapper when i get going and i get sidetracked easily