tender gorge
I've identified as pansexual for almost 3 months now and only some of my friends and my brother know. The idea of coming out unprompted feels weird to me, so I've only told people when they have directly asked me. And a lot of the time, they ask if I'm gay (not what my sexual orientation is), and I'll just tell them that I'm not gay, which is true but it also dodges saying what my sexuality actually is.
For context: I live with my father and stepmother, and I also have a mother, stepfather, and a close relationship with my great-aunt. I also have 6 siblings.
My family assumes I'm straight (in fairness to them and others, I would've said so until like 5.5 months ago). The only person in my family I've told is my brother and it's pretty clear he doesn't really understand what my sexuality is, and I'm not sure if anyone else in my family would be different. It's better than hating my sexuality and me for it, but it still makes it more difficult to come out because then I'd also probably have to explain myself just for them to still not understand.
Last time I did something like this, I told my great-aunt and brother I was an atheist and recieved and still recieve a lot of backlash from my mother and great-aunt.
I also worry about how my family will treat any partner I have who isn't a cisgirl. I know my mother and great-aunt are fine with homosexuality, but at least 2 of my parents and legal guardians are anti-trans, and I really don't know what anyone else in my family's stance is on those areas because I try to avoid polarizing rhetoric. So I don't know how they would treat me upon learning I'm pansexual or any potential partner who isn't a cisgirl.
Plus, I'm thinking that at least some in my family may think I'm only identifying as what I am because I'm young, I'm doing it for attention and/or they may think my queer friends are a bad influence.
My mother, stepmother, and great-aunt already vocally disapprove of my political and/or religious views (I'm a left-wing, progressive apostatical atheist and they're independent and Republican Christians) and this may just be yet another thing they disapprove of and scold me for being.
I've been thinking about possibly dating a guy with whom I work, and that may force me to accelerate my timeline for going public.
I feel like I'm hiding myself from everyone, but at the same time I've received a lot of hate for my sexuality in other Discord servers and I'm somewhat concerned my family will behave in a similar way.
Plus, again, it feels weird coming out unprompted. That's why I haven't told some of my friends even though I know they would support me.