#I’m nobodies priority.

65 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

umbral thicket
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I mean, my mom maybe.

Anybody else? No.

I try to make other people smile, I try to make others happy. I do all these things for others, but when it comes down to it? When it matters most? Nobody makes me their priority. I’m not loved by much of anyone.

I feel like shit every single day. I really do. I just hide it, because if I show it, suddenly I’m weak and vulnerable and people take advantage of that. It happened when my aunt died, it’ll happen again.

I was so fucked up then. I still am. Nobody gave a fuck then. They pretend they do now, but truly the only person who understands how I feel is my uncle, and even then now he avoids the topic.

That’s not my main issue though, it’s just feeling small. Invisible.

I could go to the person I met the other day who helped, but I don’t want to burden them. I don’t want them to have to deal with my bs. They seem like they already go through a lot.

I just want to feel like I’m important to somebody.
I’m ungrateful, and I know that. I have so much that others simply don’t have. I have less than others, too. I’m just ungrateful for not being happy for the things I do have. I could be happy if I wanted to be, I’m just an idiot.

I feel like an attention seeker for even writing this. I feel like I’m fine, but I just want this attention because I lacked it when I was younger. My mom was always at work, trying to keep something above my head and give me what I wanted so that I didn’t see how terrible things really were for her, and for everyone around me.

I just feel so stupid. I feel like I could be happy, SHOULD be happy, but I just do this like an idiot.

I also feel unloved. Romantically, at least. Nobody loves me like that. I’ve tried, trust me, I’ve tried.
Nobody cares when I try, though. They only see me when I mess up.

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I hate it. I am so jealous of people who have love. I have never truly experienced it, and I still absolutely crave it, crave something I haven’t had and at this rate probably never will have. I’ll end up like most of the sad, lonely losers in my family. Some fucked up drunk.

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I feel like such a fucking poser. There’s so many more fucked up people who could use all this and I’m just over here yapping about random shit nobody cares about ☠️

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All I honestly do is waste the little money my mom has to be able to take shit medication that doesn’t work half the time

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Eh, it is what it is atp ig

umbral thicket
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Fuck all the abuse shit, I’ve seen what that does to people

worldly path
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I know that feeling all too well my friend.. and sadly there isnt an easy way to improve however if I can, then you can to.. I feel shitty and incomplete and it sucks it really does, but we humans are good at one thing... not giving up, even if its for 1 extra day. Try not to give up. It may get better, just surround yourself with friends who care about you. And if you need someone, there's always this server, me, or your local emergency number and ||suicide|| hotline. You may not be a priority now, doesn't mean you won't become one.

umbral thicket
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Oh no no

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I have zero thoughts of suicide,

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And I mean I’ll just keep going either way I honestly just don’t give a fuck anymore

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I wouldn’t go to those numbers anyways, I’ve heard nothing but bad things about American suicide services atp.

Still not gonna kill myself though

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I just feel like shit, and I’m not gonna do anything about it because at this point I just don’t gaf

worldly path
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You should still care for yourself...

umbral thicket
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So yeah I have none rn, that’s the funny part

umbral thicket
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As in I eat way too much, I have like 5 meals worth of food a day, not including snacks

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I look and feel like shit, and every time I try to stop it stresses me out and when I’m stressed I eat so I just stop and give in and eat

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Idk dawg.

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I just do not care anymore. I do this every time, I just stop caring. I say I don’t care, then I ask for help anyways. And then nothing comes of said help

worldly path
umbral thicket
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lol I lie to my therapist and say I’m fine and I’m REALLY good at lying about it atp

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Maybe it’ll get better when I go to college or whatever, when I have a chance to make friends

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If I go to college.

In 2+ years.

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I’m utterly fucked lmao

worldly path
umbral thicket
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And atp I’m just gonna take the easy route because the hard route never worked in the past

worldly path
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Not with that attitude.

umbral thicket
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I OD’d on prescription meds when I was like, 5 lmao. After that I just don’t believe they’re ever gonna work, and that’s all she can do. Tell my psych to give me more drugs to sedate me and make me feel “better”

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All they do is make me feel foggy and slightly less angry

worldly path
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It takes more than meds to improve yourself, they are just there to try and give you a baseline

umbral thicket
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Oh yeah I have anger issues btw, and the medications just make me feel foggier and foggier and worse and worse

worldly path
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I have anger issues too, I am working through them to this day.

umbral thicket
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Yeah well I stopped caring

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If I end up in jail nobody is gonna give a fuck anyways

worldly path
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Not a great outlook on life but if you have stopped caring then I can't change you in anyway. Im sorry, just know that I care.

umbral thicket
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And i have nobody to hurt so 🤷‍♂️

umbral thicket
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Idk why I say that, because like I DO care

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Just not like I should

worldly path
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Well it doesn't sound like you're open to advice or changing which is probably why nothing helps you, you want to stay in your little bubble because thats what you KNOW and what you do NOT know is scary. So I am sorry but I cannot help in any capacity if you aren't willing to listen and take the time to understand. I am not trying to be rude, I am just being honest.

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And if you weren't a priority, then why would I message? Think logically, you matter and you should actually care properly, and if you can't then you might have something else that needs to be addressed with a professional.

umbral thicket
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Buddy

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Yknow what nah I’m not arguing, I was gonna say you didn’t give advice but not even worth it atp

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You have a valid point and I can’t argue tbh

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But professional help for me hasn’t done shit. It isn’t “help”, it’s drugging me into submission so I feel foggy again and don’t have the energy to get into fights.

umbral thicket
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Or did ig, you probably aren’t gonna bother replying to this now

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But yeah

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That definitely is the kind of stuff that makes me want to care, buddy

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Fml

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If I didn’t care I would’ve kept quiet

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Should’ve kept quiet tbh, cuz look where yapping got me

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Now I’m like half a second from crashing out and getting banned

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Nah not worth it, fuck that.

umbral thicket
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I ask for help and then I get told some bullshit, which is valid bullshit because I sit there and yap and pretend I don’t want help because any gime someone offered to help it ended with me in more pain

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Or it was a fake offer

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And they just wanted to hurt me, which people do

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More than once actually. I’d have at least 2 nickels

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Maybe 3?

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Dunno like I said the meds make my brain foggy

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God damn, I’m really just pity baiting rn