#When is a good opportunity to come out as enby?

28 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

oblique pier
#

I've been slowly accepting my gender identity as non-binary and I'd like to eventually come out to my family (parents and brother). The thing is, they live far away from me and I get to see them only 1-3 times a year. I'm in touch with them still online.
I think it would be okay to not come out to them but I am not very comfortable when my mom makes comments about my femininity for example. I just don't know when to bring up the topic, because a discussion on gender is rarely occurring irl...
When would be a good opportunity to do so?

#

In comparison my coming out as bi was easy because I just... didn't? It's even funnier than that, at one point my mom asked if I liked girls too and I answered that no I don't think so, I have done some introspection and I think I'm straight. THE NEXT DAY was when I realized I was bi 🤣 But since then I didn't really come out, I just talked casually about going to pride etc.

burnt portal
#

Well me neither idk how to come out as enby so I don't know if I can really help you. If you don't see them a lot, try maybe on the phone during a call to talk about some artists that are enby (for example Nemo) and so when you talk about them you use "they" "them" and maybe on the phone your family is gonna ask why you say "they" "them" instead of "she" "he" and so you can explain that it's because they're enby like a lot of people and it's normal. And maybe you can also talk about some of your friends that are enby too (even if it's false so they can see that many people are enby). And then maybe they're gonna ask you if you feel like that too (?).
But be careful you know if you feel it's not safe.
Maybe you can also tell them to watch some shows with enby people or just tell them to watch Rupaul's drag race...
For example my dad is open about sexuality so he supports my gay brother and also me even tho I haven't come out as pan but he knows I'm not hetero. But when it's about gender he's not open-minded at all. He said a few times that enby people are "things" and it's not real. And also that clothes have genders...
So be careful if you come out !
Idk if it's really helpful but I wish you the best.

#

@oblique pier I ping you just in case you don't see the message

#

AH MAIS tu parles fr ??

oblique pier
#

Yeah I can try to talk to them about some shows 🤔 I don't know in the end if it's a good idea, they have showed multiple times that they are not very open on different approaches to gender. If I do come out it will be only for me, because I want them to know, but that's only it. I am fine with she/her, I like my name, I don't want to medically transition, like all I wanna do is try new clothes and be open (that's probably why I don't like my mom commenting on my clothes). On the other hand I absolutely don't know how they would react nor what they would think if me if the "phenomenon" happens within their family. I am already as independent as I could be, but I want my future kids to have a relationship with their grandparents '^'

oblique pier
#

But the server is English only

#

He said a few times that enby people are "things" and it's not real.
That's harsh '^'

burnt portal
burnt portal
# oblique pier Yeah I can try to talk to them about some shows 🤔 I don't know in the end if it...

Oh, then maybe wait a little to think about other ways to tell them but if you feel like they're not very open then maybe with time they'll be. (My dad before (20years ago) was homophobic but when my brother made his coming out 10 years ago he accepted it and now he's an ally (except for trans so not that much an ally). So what I'm saying is maybe to let them more time and maybe they'll become more open 💁‍♀️

oblique pier
#

That's right they can slowly change x) when the debate about mariage for all happened they were also kinda homophobic but in a "as long as I don't see it I don't care" kind of way. They are more simply "I don't care" now x) they are the kind of people who only have an opinion when it's on the news (which makes it harder to know what they think actually)

#

All I know for now is that my uncle is transphobic, my cousin is not, my dad is probably transphobic but he can change, and my mom doesn't understand why people question their gender x) only my brother I don't know his opinion and he's the one I want to come out to the most. I'll try to grab more info :v

oblique pier
burnt portal
#

Before I wanted to come out to them but now I don't really want to, maybe just to my brothers but idk it scares me a bit so I'm gonna wait a few more years and maybe I'll tell them, maybe not. I already told some friends but I feel like they just don't wanna call me by they them. Maybe because I told them I also use she her. But I feel like they don't understand that much that I'm enby and so I'm kinda scared that my brothers won't understand.

oblique pier
#

Lmao are we the same person? XD

burnt portal
burnt portal
oblique pier
#

Usually if you don't use exclusively they/them people will not call you they/them it's annoying

burnt portal
#

Yes and I told them that they can switch because I don't wanna be called only by she her

oblique pier
#

Sometimes I think I should just use only they/them so that people let me try another pronoun for once x)

burnt portal
#

And so after I kinda gave up and I told other friends that I use she / they but if they use she, they need to see my only as a person and not a girl but I feel like they still see me as a girl

burnt portal
oblique pier
#

It takes time unfortunately :/

burnt portal
#

:((

oblique pier
#

For your coming out if you think you can wait longer it's fine as long as it doesn't make you suffer

#

For me the more time passes the more it's itching so eventually it will happen one day x)