#Finally uhh

118 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

upbeat orchid
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So ever since I gained consciousness, I’ve been having those dissociation type episodes where I realise I’m in first person in a body and that I could’ve been born into anything else, also, with the frequent shifts in the way I talk I think it might be osdd, I also have some memory loss, only cases I remember are me forgetting a slice of homework, suddenly forgetting evidence for something or forgetting a chunk of a story but idk really

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Idk where else to say this

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Also this has driven me multiple times to me thinking of stabbing myself to death everytime I see a knife

wide agate
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May I ask what exactly makes you think you have osdd and what you know about the disorder? It's easier to help for me that way.

upbeat orchid
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  1. I’d say stuff and when someone replied I would’ve already forgotten what I said
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  1. The urge to do something at the wrong time as if a person inside me wanted to do that thing but wasn’t awake ALL THE TIME IT HAS TO FUCKING DO IT
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Also I can do half on command eye shaking

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And it feels very very unreal as if I was shifting or something

wide agate
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2nd is a trait that comes with a lot of dissociative disorders and doesn't sound disordered to me.
For reference: I don't have DID or osdd, but I will forget whole conversations with people or trauma talk or even forget about whole days

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What do you know about osdd?

upbeat orchid
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dissociative disorders category. It's used when a person experiences significant dissociative symptoms (like feeling detached from oneself or reality, memory gaps, or identity confusion) that cause distress or impairment but don't fully meet the criteria for other specific dissociative disorders like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).

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Uhh this

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But it’s either osdd or another dissociation disorder

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I think it got mostly developed from my loneliness

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I could spend hours circling one spot (no music just vibes) thinking about imaginary stuff

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In an unhealthy way, my legs want to give out

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But my brain says to keep going

wide agate
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Dissociative disorders include: DID, OSDD 1 (not meeting one of the two criteria for DID), OSDD 2 (showing symptoms like someone with DID after mind control and torture), OSDD 3 (DID like symptoms right after a traumatic incident), OSDD 4 (Dissociative trance), depersonalization, derealisation, dissociative movement disorders, Dissociative CPTSD, maladaptive daydreaming.

There are other disorders too that can cause dissociation as a symptom, like borderline for example.

upbeat orchid
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I know I have maladaptive daydreaming, I’m suspecting OSDD 1, 2 or 4 (I got the trance, I remember getting mind manipulated by 2 toxic friends back in 5th grade)

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I also have that thing where I’d randomly start picking at my hair during negative situations (started since October 2024)

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The thing is I could control it but only for a small amount of time

wide agate
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You tell me you have been tortured nearly to death repeatedly for weeks? With people conditioning you into believing you're a system? That's what osdd 2 means.

upbeat orchid
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Ohhhhhhhhh

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I thought of something else sorry, let’s put 2 out of the list

upbeat orchid
wide agate
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Yeah ^^'
Probably better. You're good though. Was just caught off guard

wide agate
upbeat orchid
upbeat orchid
wide agate
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It's okay

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I'm also not the fastest to respond and won't judge you for it

upbeat orchid
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The whole day feels like a trance

wide agate
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Osdd 4 is possible. But your symptoms could also very well be explained by maladaptive daydreaming

upbeat orchid
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It’s 7 am, 30th day of all nighters

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So are we gonna talk about the hair picking

upbeat orchid
wide agate
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That doesn't sound too odd to me tbh
Just like a compulsion or stress response

upbeat orchid
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It scales from boring situation to “OH MY GOD WHY AM I STILL ALIVE” situation

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And lately I figured out I kinda calculate stuff better with this

wide agate
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Sounds like a stress response. Under extreme stress (can be perceived, doesn't have to be life or death situation) the human mind tends to react differently than normal, often leading to humans feeling alienated from their actions and even causing memory issues

upbeat orchid
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Kinda breaks my heart how my teachers (my fav teachers) see me fixated on something in an uncomfortable posture

wide agate
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I can imagine. It sounds debilitating

upbeat orchid
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And the fact that I can barely control it

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Also a problem I addressed to my parents and they weren’t understanding is that EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING since June felt way louder and annoying

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Someone whispers to someone else, immediatly pisses me off

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Me waking up to my sis crying makes me wanna cry and harm my sis

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Something doesn’t go my way once and I start crying

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I think it’s major age regression

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And something else

wide agate
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Possible. I don't think it needs a name or label. Fact is you're stressed and it's not good for your mental health. Finding ways to let out stress seems to be key here

upbeat orchid
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I think I’m spilling too much

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But there’s one last thing

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The NEED to agree with opinions that are clearly wrong

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No matter even if it’s against myself

upbeat orchid
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It just happens sometimes

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One second I’m a good accepting person who believes that everyone should be accepted

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The next I’m putting off EVERY FORM OF HATE imaginable

wide agate
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This can be a conditioned behaviour tbh.

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Which is terrible at best

upbeat orchid
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Yea

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Uhh can I have a more precise explanation

wide agate
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Hmm
So. I don't think it's osdd. In systems (aka people with multiple identity states/alters) symptoms occur even outside of stress and regularly. It's not a form of agreeing with something, it's often vastly different perception of self. Like different name, age, likes and dislikes (for example eating the food you hate the most in the world, because another alter might like it).

You show signs of chronic stress and conditioning. You probably learned early on that disagreeing is dangerous. You mentioned toxic friends and manipulative behaviour, so I'm assuming that is what it stems from. Your brain learned that it's an immediate threat to have a different opinion. So you agree. Even though mentally you don't. This difference in what you say vs what you think creates a discrepancy that causes dissociation to cope with what you're doing. It is a constant stress factor also, lowering your tolerance level for outside stimuli, which is probably why even "minor" things like you're sister crying have such an impact on you

upbeat orchid
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Ohh got it

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For the first part I REALLY wanna change my name

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Everytime my real real life name is pronounced I jerk up as if a soldier heard a boom sound

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I hate it I wanna change it but I don’t at the same time

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My name has an equal amount of inconvenience to convenience

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It got misspelled multiple times, made me remember how miserable I feel around my language and the times I got called my name negatively

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But it’s also rare, has a good meaning and reminds me I’m unique

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I think I’m overreacting over my own name

wide agate
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You probably do. Maybe it helps to remind you that you don't have a problem with your name itself, but with how people treat it?

upbeat orchid
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Ye

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The worst thing about having this arabic name is that I STUDY AT A FRENCH SCHOOL

wide agate
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💀
Arabic names are cool though

upbeat orchid
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fr tho

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Me when I meet my 4th rania in a week

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Wait wait wait

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I think I know another thing like why I think I have osdd

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I’m trying to forget horrible actions I did by acting like it wasn’t me

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I cant accept the fact I did said actions

wide agate
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That's a reason for why it most likely isn't osdd lol

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Imagine an alter to be another person who thinks of your body as it's own. You don't have control over it. It's not your body or life. That's the reality with osdd

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An alter can ditch you, when you need them. An alter can switch in when you want to do stuff you like and ruin it for you. It's not convenient and can't be controlled. At all.

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With osdd 1b, amnesia is missing. So you are aware of another person taking over. But that still doesn't mean you have any control.

With osdd 1a you have amnesia, but alters are similar to you. Amnesia hereby means blackout and not just forgetting a bit.

upbeat orchid
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I’m starting to get a bit uncomfortable with this, with myself, I feel like I’m pushing the osdd thing too much, but that feels like the right thing to do

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Lowk starting to cry here

wide agate
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Why does it seem to be the right thing? You don't need that label to be validated, you know?
Should I tell you some of my own experiences? Would that help? I'm coming from the perspective of someone who was suspected to have partial did by a therapist once.

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I'm sorry you're feeling uncomfortable, truly

upbeat orchid
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Not sure if I want you to tell your experiences

wide agate
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That's fine

upbeat orchid
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I just know I’ll start talking about something else as soon as you start talking

wide agate
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🤔

upbeat orchid
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Im already suspected with autism by my friends mom who’s a retired psychologist for abt a few months now

wide agate
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(Not meant judgemental, just curious)

wide agate
upbeat orchid
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Yea

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I mean my behaviour is kinda pointing towards it

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Not liking physical contact

wide agate
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From what I know so far, which is not that much, I'd say it's definitely possible

upbeat orchid
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Just said a message and got flagged

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Lemme rephrase this

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I LOVE physical contact

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I just fear i might get innapropriate impulses

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I got such thoughts before

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I’m just afraid I’ll one day act upon it

wide agate
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Is it like intrusive thoughts?

upbeat orchid
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I think so but it gets worse by the day

upbeat orchid
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Holy shit

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We have 109 MESSAGES

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LITT LOOKING AT EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS CHANNEL GETTING NEGLECTED

wide agate
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Don't feel bad for it. Nobody is obligated to help when they're not equipped to help. Sorting out information, giving logical advice and helping with dissociative disorders is something I'm good at. I can't help with suicidal ideation, depression, self harm or substance abuse. Those are topics I don't know how to help with and are triggering.
Everyone who feels the same way, shouldn't engage. You're not giving good support, when you're not in a good spot yourself

upbeat orchid
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I’m not feeling bad

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It’s just a bit ironic yk

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Meh nvm my Humor is ass

wide agate
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Ooh
Sorry, I misunderstood ^^'
That happens a bit too often. Not the greatest at understanding humour