[TW: calorie talk/eating]
.
So if me being suicidal doesn't kill me sooner my health is just going to be my end either way. I'm severely underweight due to experiencing an eating disorder that I'm now trying to recover from. But, the thing is, I'm so underweight that my weight just keeps dropping despite now eating a normal 2000 a day, and in order to make that stop according to my therapist and doctors I'll have to eat 4000 or more each day for a long while. That is an insane amount of food that I literally cannot eat, it's going to make me vomit it all back up again, and also the only way for me to even get there is by consuming things that are really unhealthy. And I already have some issues medically with easily getting heart palpitations from sugar and moving around, and they DO get worse if I don't immediately stop. And I'll have to keep eating if I want to reach 4000 ON A DAILY BASIS. So, to put it simply, I'm going to end up dropping dead no matter what. I'm going to either slowly go down in weight until I'm unable to even move (I'm already at the point where I'm under 100lbs, can see bones prominently, and I struggle to move around at all) and eventually just die from that OR if I try pushing myself to that 4000 a day, I'm going to have heart failure from the insane amounts of sugar and just food in general. So yeah I'm stuck rn. I don't know why I'm posting this here instead of telling a doctor but I honestly don't think doctors can do anything else for me at this point so I'm just sharing my story.
#Probably gonna die
true granite
radiant stream
kindred mortar