I don't rlly know

[faint girder]

There's a lot of smaller issues to break down there. Start by breaking everything you just said into individual pieces. You have,

Loss of energy/motivation, poor attitude
Loss of friends
A personal betrayal
Lack of privacy
Bullying from family

I'll start by saying, the first one is probably depression brought on by the rest. The way to address that is by either changing or coming to terms with whatever is causing it. In the meantime, if you're feeling particularly down stop and think about why you feel that way. Try and find a cause and make note of it so you can address it later.

The loss of friends, how did it happen? Did they change? Did you change? Was it outside influences? You'll have to ask yourself some hard questions to figure out why it happened. And ultimately, ask yourself if it's a bad thing. People change. Maybe you just need new friends. It's hard to give any definitive advice here without knowing all the (probably personal) details.

The personal betrayal, is it related to the above? Something else? What was the issue? Was it a disagreement, or something more? Again, without a lot of details that you don't need to share it's hard to give advice here. But you know you, explore it and figure out what happened and how you feel about it, and use that to decide if that friendship is worth fixing or if you should just move on. You are in control of your life, not them. Don't let their own choices change how you see that.

The lack of privacy is...annoying? It's one of those things that at any one moment doesn't seem like such a big deal (which I'm sure the parent will latch on to in defense of it) but over time it wears you down. Why was the door removed? Can you reach a compromise? Try explaining how it's making you feel and see if you can pin up a sheet or something. There would be no door to stop someone checking on you, but you at least wouldn't feel like you're watched 24/7.

And the bullying...endure. Be strong. Get help and talk to people outside of the house, like you're doing now. Don't let it be your whole world! This one is the one that most needs outside help, and do not be afraid to seek it out.

[marble bolt]

I'm js rlly pissed off and doing even worse than I have normally because of my parents. I have no privacy in this house and I feel like I'm not being supported or cared for and I just want to live somewhere where I can be happy and be myself but ik I won't be able to

And when I'm with my friends its as if I don't have any issues at all and I just feel safe with them. I literally feel like my friends family is my family too, because they actually care for me and support me and make me feel loved, meanwhile my family and parents don't even try to do any of the sort

And my friends know how to help me when I need it and they've been there for me through everything, even the backstabbing from my once closest friends, and my family issues.

[marble bolt]

I wish I could seek help but I can't because of my mom, whenever I try to seek out help she yells at me and sometimes even takes all my devices and bans me from leaving the house.

She got me a therapist then she stopped taking me to go see her the next day. I just don't know what to do bc I'm scared of my mom

[faint girder]

If you're school aged, is there a counselor or anything you can talk to?

[marble bolt]

No because I don't really trust any school counslers bc I have bad experiences with them and there's nobody else ik that I can talk to

[faint girder]

https://discord.com/channels/1077258761443483708/1176992653179621458

Don't forget you have this wonderful list available to you as well.

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but what you're going through is temporary. Stay strong and do what you can, and don't beat yourself up over things that you can't control. Don't let them shape who you are with negativity.

My less-than-professional advice is to embrace spite if nothing else. The best way to annoy people like that is to be happy in spite of them.

[marble bolt]

I'll try, tysm

[faint girder]

And seriously, try the sheet for a door thing.

It's not much but it will help. And if even that isn't good enough for her, ask why. Again, sounds like control issues rather than a specific worry.

[marble bolt]

I do have sheet on my door but it's rlly thin and basically see through and every time I ask for my door back she just says no and NEVER tells me why, and she just ignores the question

She said she would take everyone else's door off but all she did was have my dad put up a baby gate and never took off the other doors

[faint girder]

Why with the doors? And baby gate?

[marble bolt]

They get mad at me when I have the baby gate down even though it's a tripping hazard especially with a curtain

[marble bolt]

Wdym

[faint girder]

Why is there a baby gate? And why would she want all the doors down?

[marble bolt]

I have a baby gate bc we have dogs and I have a baby sister.

She doesn't have a reason to have the doors down she only specifically took mine down bc she js doesn't like me or smth and she thinks it's "easier" to check up on me when she can literally open my damn door like she used to do

My brothers also have baby gates up but it's rlly pointless bc they have doors and can just close the doors

I feel like I'm just being dramatic when I say I want to leave but with the stuff that happens here it doesn't make me wanna stay

[faint girder]

Yeah, that's some sitcom behavior. I imagine your mom is dealing with her own problems and just not expressing it. Embrace what you can to make it your own. Find a tapestry at a thrift store or something to replace the sheet. Make it your thing, not her thing.

[marble bolt]

It's smth to do with her mental health but I can't get into that

And I can't afford my own curtain and stuff bc I don't have any money, and I don't see any point in trying if my mom's just gonna keep doing stupid shit

There's so much I can't do because of my mom and she's making me miss out on my teenage years and it js sucks

I'm terrified of my mom and family and I can't express my emotions or thoughts like other people can, and my mom makes me feel like I'm just a dumbass who wants attention and I'm not even allowed to cry at my house because of everyone

[faint girder]

When I was a teen we moved into a new house, and my bedroom had the door to the carport in it. Everyone in the house used that door. We never used the front door, there just wasn't any reason to. The floor between the back door and my bedroom door was even tiled, not carpet like the rest of my room. It was like having a hallway on one side of the room. And then to top it off, my bedroom door was an old glass pane door.

I spent a lot of time reading, playing video games, or hanging out with friends. Anything to escape. So I get that bit of it.

Aside from the obvious lack of privacy affecting you, what does not having the door keep you from doing?

[marble bolt]

It keeps me from doing everything tbh I'm even more alert and scared to do stuff bc my mom gets mad at every little thing and it's hard to know when she's mad and u never know what she's gonna get mad at

[faint girder]

To be fair, I'm out of my depth here. I can't give you more specific advice. If it were me, and other help avenues were cut off, I would try to come to terms with the seemingly random triggers and realize that I can't control them regardless of what I do, so I shouldn't let them stop me from doing anything. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Out of all of the things you listed at the beginning, you mom is the one thing you've latched onto. I think if you can deal with that the rest of the problems will look smaller. And that might just mean learning to live in your situation. And probably lots of therapy down the road when you can get it, if we're being honest.

[marble bolt]

Tysm for helping me and taking the time to read all of what I typed