#Wtf is wrong with me

19 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

frozen scarab
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Look guys I promise I'm just trying to be normal but its so weird. Some days my parents pmo me so much that I would go and sh. But the thing is when i start every single night i want to sh again, regardless of what I'm feeling. Its almost like a drug addiction. It feels like I enjoy seeing the cuts on ny skin bleeding and the pain. Wtf is wrong with me??

I think i have adhd and mild autism too after doing all this research and online tests (ik they dont count but still) but I'm too scared totell anyone, just like how I'm too scared to come out as pan to my parents. I also have deppression and anziety and ive been told several times by friends to go get a therspist, but once again I'm too scared and my social anxiety eoukd stwrt kicking in. Why an i so fucking messed up?? Even posting this has taken so much inner debating. I think i need help but I'm too scared to😭

quiet holly
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please listen to your friends

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i get the feeling of "FUCK AAAHH" uhm but dont let that scare you 🥲

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if you feel the urge to sh stay far away from sharp objects

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you could hide any sharp objects

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or stay away from places with them (as much as you can)

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probsbly the most counterintuitive advice but dont try to immediately stop doing it

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maybe start doing it once every other day

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then once every three days

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then once every week

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and the urge will fade with time

frozen scarab
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maybe I'll try that thanks for the advice 🙂

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also the therapist one I'm just too scared to tell my parents i need one theyre gonna ask questions its going ti get difficult and i have very severe social anxiety its one thing I'm sure of

quiet holly
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blinks im still on this one tho

heady siren
rigid oak
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Hi

I used to self harm everyday for more than a year and overall, I did it for like 3 years (not everyday but often). And I've learned something: this is an addiction. So it is not "almost like a drug addiction", it is like a drug addiction because they both use the same mechanisms. Hurting ourselves releases Dopamine, like a huge peak of Dopamine and our body loves it so when it goes down again, our body tells us it needs more Dopamine because it is slowly adapting to this new level of Dopamine. Considering self harm as a real addiction was what helped me understand what was going on to finally stop doing it because it was not helping in the long run and it was making things worse.

I don't know where you are living and what your country offers for mental health care. I know in France we have free and anonymous places to see a therapist for teens so just in case you have access to a place like this in our own country, you could check here. But there's also things online to help. And it might also help with the issue of social anxiety. Writing instead of speaking is sometimes easier.

Anyway hope it helps

frozen scarab
frozen scarab
heady siren