I hate this, i was in a server with all my friends and then since i have did or osdd my alters are all kind of out of control because there’s a lot going on in my life, and i came back to the front to realize i was BANNED from the server all my friends were in. like perma banned. They told me i have to “take responsibility and keep the other alters in control” because i’m the main. but then again i just found out a WEEK ago and i’m still figuring things out. What do i do?
#I have DID and i literally lost all of my friends because i can’t control the other alters.
versed dawn
frosty trellis
First off:
Work on system communication. That can be done through physical notes at first, if you can't communicate in the inner world or through co-fronting etc.
Second:
Establish rules. Every system needs rules. It may take a lot of fucking time to establish rules everyone agrees on and you might have to live with the fact that you can't live your life exactly the way you want.
Third: take accountability and be responsible for what has happened. Sure, you're not entirely responsible for what another alter has done. But other people can't tolerate the bullshit of another alter forever. There are limits in every friendship and you can't expect your friends to just ignore their own boundaries. So be responsible and talk to them about it. What are their no-gos?
You may also realise that it is best for some alters to simply not interact with your friends.
I really hope this helps.
lilac minnow
^^ this
versed dawn
First off:
Work on system communication. That can be done through physical notes...
With the third suggestion, it seems like another alter tried that, tried apologizing, but they banned us after we took accountability, and it’s really hard to respect boundaries when were always doing something new wrong. First it’s “You’re too closed off” then it’s “you’re too clingy” it’s “You underreact!” then it’s “you overreact!!” Somehow in some way i’m always doing something new wrong, when i’m nice to people they take advantage of it, when i’m more focused on my own personal health they say i don’t care about them, when i try to be chill and be the bigger person they always say i don’t care, but when i give my own opinions and i say what i want they say i lash out. How do i please people. I’ve tried so hard for my entire life, but somehow i’m always doing something new wrong.
neon magnetBOT
That seems less like a boundary problem and more like an incompatible crowd problem
If you're given backlash no matter what you do, it may be time to reevaluate who you're around
While other people's boundaries are important, it's also important to know where your own boundaries are too
Especially if they seem to be ever-changing
lilac minnow
Honestly if controlling it where possible my life would be a lot less complicated than it is. I agree with the statement that maybe it’s best to reevaluate your crowd. If they can’t understand you, they don’t deserve you. Don’t settle for less. Just my opinion though.
versed dawn
Honestly if controlling it where possible my life would be a lot less complicate...
Yes but it’s not just them too, i have another group of friends and they say i do the OPPOSITE of what friend group 1 says
lilac minnow
Opposite being what?
versed dawn
Opposite being what?
while friend group 1 says i’m too attached friend group 2 says i’m too closed off
lilac minnow
That must be really confusing
versed dawn
That must be really confusing
Update! so the “friends” i had were apparently talking shit about me behind my back, accusing me of faking DID and telling me to commit.