How do I survive another year being secretly bisexual?

[tulip cave]

Im bisexual, but i am afraid to tell my parents. They are Christian and unsupportive, and i wont have my own place till next year. Im currently in a relationship with someone, but if i tell my parents about it they'll get mad as hell at best, and there is a significant chance they will just force me out of the relationship im happy in. But they also start aplying more and more pressure i should start dating with girls (cuz they dont know abt the relationship), and i dont wanna cheat on my boyfriend. What should i do?

[bronze root]

You should separate from them. If they don't accept you, as you are, then don't keep contact with them, unless you live with with them or you're a minor. Then you should keep your bf a secret from them, you can just ask your female friend to help you, unless you trust her enough or stop showing up with your bf. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean you should brake up with your bf. Just tell them that you broke up with him. After that, you should hide from them, that you still date him, or tell him that your parents don't accept yours dating each other, or just tell your bf about your situation and ask for help, like if you could life with him. I hope this helps you!

[vapid hill]

I want to help him, but i already have trouble telling things to my parents (who are supportive), so i gave him the advice to come to this channel for help

[tulip cave]

I live in their house currently and wont get my own place till next year

[tulip cave]

Thanks conny, love u ♥️ ♥️

[bronze root]

tell your bf about it, and just wait this year

[vapid hill]

Im his bf

[tulip cave]

And he alr knows

[bronze root]

ohhhh I didn't know that

[tulip cave]

That tracks cuz i didnt mention

[wild stag]

It is very good that you have a timetable regarding have a place of your own. Second, having a boyfriend is not a minus; this means you have someone you can plan with. Talk to him. Explain the situation in detail. Then, you two will come to a conclusion. This may be(but certainly isn't limited to!)

1. You getting a beard. If you have someone who you trust enough to be open about this, do so. If you cannot trust any girls enough with your sexual orientation, fake it till you make it. This is very unsavoury, yes; and it would not be my first choice either. But it is on the table, so long as your boyfriend knows about it and is ok with it.

2. The simplest choice, and also the hardest. Tell your parents in a certain manner that who you date and when you date them are entirely your decisions. If you are having trouble with their constant pressure, let them see that this pressure won't get you to act. It might even make you less likely to date girls. All mums who want their boys to "find a nice girl to settle down with" would back off if it means their boy is more likely to date.

3. Although this seems highly unlikely and somewhat dangerous, coming out is also a choice. Do note that you will most likely also have to explain that you have an ongoing relationship, which will make things very heavy for them to accept and very hard on you to bear. I suggest avoiding this at all costs, but if the worst comes to the worst, this is an option.

4. Shut up and simmer. Not very good if you want to have a working relationship with your parents in the future, but just showing patience for a year can also work out nicely if they do not press too much. I think I would be doing this in your situation, it avoids confrontation, so long as you can come out of it without beating yourself up too much.

[tulip cave]

Can u axplain point 1, i dont get what u mean

[wild stag]

Get a "girlfriend" who may or may not be knowing about your orientation and relationship. This is what we call a "beard", someone of the opposite gender who is in a make-believe relationship with you to protect you from family/societal pressure.

But it is unsavoury, yes. Should be avoided if possible.

I would suggest points 2 and 4 first, definitely. But if you have a friend who you can trust with this secret, this would certainly solve your problems.

[tulip cave]

Aah, now i get it

[wild stag]

👍

You know which approach is the best. You two may also decide to come up with an entirely different approach if you can think of it. After all, you know your parents better than we do here.

[tulip cave]

I do, and he was like: dayum, i dont know, bro.... this is complicated....

[wild stag]

It is complicated. Being queer is mostly a balancing act, except for those who have very little left to lose. That is why I said it is lucky that you will get a place of your own in a foreseeable future. My country has a saying that goes "finite number of days go by fast". A year will be long, but it will also end before you realise it ended.

Just trust in each other, be patient, and wait. It looks like things will work out just fine.

[sterile nebula]

If they aren’t supportive of you, they’re a lost cause. Go for what YOU want, and believe in yourself.

[bronze root]

Just if they aren't supportive, then never come out to them

[tulip cave]

Correct, but I'm not queer

[tulip cave]

Yeah, but I have to live another year w them

So they have some power over me

[wild stag]

Do you mean in the sense that you do not identify with the word? Bisexuality most certainly falls under the queer umbrella, but if you dislike the term, that's very fair.

[tulip cave]

Oooh. Nvm

[wild stag]

Queer is essentially one word to cover all of the LGBTQ+ umbrella, or at least that's how I use it. To my knowledge, many other people also do this. But some of us do not like the word "queer", because it was used as a derogatory word in the past.

[tulip cave]

Aaaaaah, ok

[wild stag]

Even the acronym has the Q that stands for Queer/Questioning.

[sterile nebula]

I reread the title. Just try to hold on as best you can and find people in your life who support you!

[tulip cave]

Yeah, that's why I thought it was a different sexuality cuz the b of bi is also in there

[tulip cave]

Thanks!

[sterile nebula]

Fun lil thing but I’m in 8th, and my friend group noticed I’m bi and keeps making stupid jokes around me. It actually makes me feel good XD

Also ofc always glad to help.

[wild stag]

No worries! Terms are many, can be confusing, and are also fluid. They change from person to person sometimes. So long as you question and are open to learning, things will work out just fine. Also chaosfire is making a very good point! You will be hiding a secret from those closest to you, find other people you can share things with. You will need lines of socialization without feeling like you have to hold back.

[tulip cave]

Will do

[wild stag]

Enjoy that! My middle school/high school experience was nowhere near that queer-friendly 🥲 It took me until 20 to actually properly come out to a select group of people, most of them family. So long as they do not mean ill, and will be there for you when it counts; all is well.

[sterile nebula]

Wow lol I’ve been queer for most of my life without realizing it. Let’s just say my parents definitely aren’t supportive and I’m a coward and prob won’t tell them forever XD

[wild stag]

I also thought the same! Then things became very heavy and I decided "fuck it, we ball". It... was a lot worse than I expected, but also a lot better. And things are tenuous now, but I am a better person and I am glad I came out in the end. Just make sure to do this when you can ensure your safety for a long period of time, because chances are you will end up coming out.

Another note, being supportive and loving you as their child are two different things. Sometimes their ideas and beliefs regarding LGBTQ+ and their love for you may contrast, and a compromise may be made. You'd be surprised at what lengths they can go. What happened in my case is not quite enough for me, because the progress did not happen in the direction I would have liked (and there are other issues at hand), but your case may be just enough for you. Food for thought, for future you.

[sterile nebula]

For the sad truth, my dad supports trump. That’s already a lot of context right there lol

[wild stag]

💀 I am sorry to hear this. Yes, it is probably for the better for you to keep your distance as soon as you can. Much love, I believe you can succeed. ❤️

[sterile nebula]

💀🙏👌👍✨

[sterile nebula]

So, decided yet?

[tulip cave]

Yeah, I think that, for now, I'm gonna just not tell em yet and Imma go do a serious talk with them abt them putting pressure on me

[wild stag]

All the best, you can do it 👍

[tulip cave]

Thanks!

[tulip cave]

Update: I talked to my parents. Basically I (politely) told them to back off and stop applying pressure. They asked why and I said that I just don't want it for now. After a little arguing they accepted it 😮‍💨😮‍💨

Thanks guys, for aal the support

[bronze root]

Don't thank us, you argued, not us. Thank yourself

[tulip cave]

Thanks 🫶
Nevertheless, I am still grateful for all the tips and tricks you guys told me. Talking about it with you guys gave me the confidence to talk about the situation and change it

[wild stag]

That's what communities are for! I'm very glad to hear things all worked out. Happy waiting until things sort themselves out!

[tulip cave]

Thanks!

[sterile nebula]

Didn’t see this until now. I’m super glad you finally got over that and I hope everything will get better moving on! And thanks for the opportunity for me to help out.