Im such a fuck upTW mentions of sh

[tiny wren]

Last night I fucked up a lot
My boyfriend thinks I don’t don’t love him, and I love him with all my heart
But I mask who I am and copy things others do just to fit in. I was playing a game with a friend (let’s call them j) he was talking about how much he hated my boyfriend and was pressuring me to break up with him. And my idiot head decided to go along with what j was saying, trying to fit in.
But this caused an argument with my boyfriend, one of my other friends (let’s call them m) and myself, and we were yelling at me for doing that

Sometimes I feel like I’m too much, I overthink, I cause problems, I cause friendships to break
I broke my promise I made to my boyfriend about self harming. I had cut myself several times. Man I thought I was getting better, but I guess I’m not
I feel like I’m too much, like no one can handle me

No one even knows who I am anymore, I’ve masked myself for so long.
Fuck I don’t even know myself anymore I’ve masked and forced myself to chance for people for years, too many times

[wet glen]

Just be your self even if you get people to be mad at you to can just ignore them

[tiny wren]

I’ve tried. But they’re all I have
If I lose them, I have no one
I change for them to like me and not hate me
I want to be liked, I want them to stick around
Half of them somewhat hate me anyway, but me changing let’s me fit in
I don’t even know how it feels to be myself anymore because of this
It feels normal to act this way if though I know it’s not

[forest meadow]

Okay, so number one, I believe this is imposter syndrome. Number 2, you’re not alone in this. I do this too, I’ll physically change what I act like for people. So, just know I understand you. Number 3, tell them you do this. You truly care about him and love him, tell him you do this, and apologize. You’ve got this! I believe in you! And, please stop cutting when you can?

[tiny wren]

I’m trying. I really am
I was clean from cutting and most self harm things for a month and a half.
But a lot have things have been going on and it’s really messing with my head. I wish I didn’t drink and cut last night. I’m hella underaged being 14
I have tried to say sorry, several times, but he’s not the most forgiving person. I really wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I was better
But what makes this all worse, I li]ie to my parents about being fine , I lie to my therapist so they think I don’t need it anymore I’m really done with everything. I wish I could go back and no do everything I did. My boyfriend doesn’t deserve someone like me

[forest meadow]

I lie to my parents too. I don’t drink, that’s for sure, and it’s definitely not a solution. I mean, I went onto starving myself as self harm. Listen, I know it’s hard, and it may feel hopeless, but the last thing you need right now is to do things that are really unhealthy for your body. It’s in mental shock, don’t put it into physical shock.

[tiny wren]

Yeah I’m Trying, it only happens on the odd occasion. So I guess that’s good, I barely do it
But it’s stupid, it’s so on and off, but I’m constantly overthinking, as if I can’t do anything right
I stop therapy today, they think I’m fine enough to stop doing it, but to be honest they kinda gave up on me within the first 3 sessions

[forest meadow]

Listen, if you ever wanna talk, my DMs are open. I would love to help you more. But at least you’re trying, and overthinking is normal. Trust me. Please, if you need to, DM me.

[tiny wren]

Yeah. I might later. I’m just thinking about smth

[forest meadow]

Okay, stay safe, will you please?

[tiny wren]

I’ll try :3

[forest meadow]

Good, I’ll let you think for now. Please don’t forget to DM me.