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i hate self sabotage so much. its actually ruined so many aspects of my life. i love being in this server because the people seem nice but im too scared to talk because.
1: what if people don't like me
2: what if people ignore me
3: what if i actually get close to someone and cut them off because THATS just WHAT i do.
i dont want anyone to waste their time with me because i feel like all i manage to do is cause problems. i run away from friendships like at least twice just to see if they ask about me/ wait for me to come back. yet even if they do i convince myself that i dont deserve it anyways so why bother?
i want more friends but its so hard for me to make them and i dont deserve the ones i have. and thats not even TOUCHING the fact that i have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder)
I'm nothing but a god damn nuisance.
modest skiff