haughty bluff
Trigger warning !!!: suicidal thoughts, suicide, sh, and uhhhh other sruff 2 maybe
Lately my mental hp has been absalute shit and all of my online friends arnt doin well so its a constant reminder that im also mentally unstable .
Like 1 of my friends jeeps posting stuff
in a server im in (its pretty small) that show shes clearly not well and me and the others hav 2 help i love and care abt her but its super mantally taxing w/ everything else
My other friend has bpd and is in a depressive state. I also rlly love & care abt them but still.
Im also pretty shit @ talking abt this since i tend 2 brush it of and make jokes? Idk i just push it away as a coping mechanism or whatev.
So uhh i almost ||kms|| the other day and i ended up talking 2 the 988 and kinda felt better after cuz i didnt ||sh or attempt again||. And while i am going 2 therapy i dont like talking abt this irl bc of social anxiety.
When i was 5-7 my mom and i were in an abusive relationship and i kinda had 2 talk and care 4 my mom during that puriod while also struggling. so having 2 go thru that again sucks ballz and sorta brings up painful memories
Look, i care abt my friends i rlly do its just... i tried 2 help my mom and she did "it" anyway so whats the point if they all do it 2. Honestly im not rlly feeling much emotion now, i dont "want" 2 end my life but i also just dont care anymore, my fam is poor so im just another thing 2 feed even if they dont think that. Im just so tired. I wanna go 2 a mental hospital but id hav 2 tell my fam abt my mental state 4 that 2 happen and i wont do that so guess im fucked.
Cheeseits thats long... guess i wanted 2 rant
cunning juniper