#Exhausted

34 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

hoary osprey
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I feel tired, I want to sleep my life away. I feel so dark and dull. Feeling scared and wary of having close friends, and it's all because somebody bullied me the other night. She called me a bitch who uses people and made sure to tell me nobody likes me. She also told me to go fuck myself and stop seeking for attention when i felt like a danger to myself and wanted to end my life the other night. It only upsets me because thats what my inner voice has told me. Im trying to work on myself and my self acceptance, overall I've improved, but I have regressed at points and it seems as if I am doing a little less better with loving myself. Im always here for everyone, but I want comfort too. I hope im not asking for much. I am afraid of using people, I am afraid of making people feel used or hurt. Sometimes im oblivious to my actions and may do shitty things, but I want to make up for it once it's communicated to me or I realize it

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Its all because I told this dumbass that she didnt have DID. We were friends off and on. She used her fake ass alters to emotionally abuse me and told me to kill myself at one point

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I dont want to go into more detail on why she was faking, but it was obvious

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If i had embed perms, I would show screenshots

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I also reacted to the bullying pretty immature. I cried, sent voice messages trying not to, and it just gave her proof that she was winning. I was trying to be strong, but I can't call myself a victim if I was trying to do it right back to her

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I cussed her out

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It was immature but I was terrified, so scared that I shook and had trouble breathing and wanted to go to the hospital

honest cove
hoary osprey
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She would make jokes about shifting

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She bragged about it and then did the "having DID is not easy" shit too

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Also any time I'd express my opinion, she would cuss me out and then sometimes she would "shift" into this "alter" that ignored me and pretended not to know me. The doctors she has went to, do not think she has it

honest cove
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60+ is crazy. i know a whole bunch of sytems, none of them go above like 25. switching on command is something that my friend learned to do somewhat consistently with lots of therapy. i get your point though, thats fucked up

hoary osprey
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She only picked this up from tiktok and as far as I know, they haven't really been through anything so traumatic they needed other people

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Maybe getting their damn phone taken for 2 minutes

honest cove
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the doctors know whats up 99% of the time, shes just a bad person using the guise of mental illness

hoary osprey
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Yep. And they always acted like the same person despite the "alters" existing. They'd "shift" and then show me specifically what alter they have on plural kit which is suspicious because even though they claim to have OSDD-1b, they dont even always know who they are

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Every "alter" was either some baby or rude person or character, and they closed their eyes, shook, looked like they were literally pushing down a shit and then bam new person

honest cove
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thats so goofy.. like no one makes changes so fucking obvious. ideally you mask the hell out of that shit and not shake around

hoary osprey
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Yeah but they always make tiktoks about their alters

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Always are able to record them and add emojis every time they shift. Like if youre shifting into a whole new identity or a blurred one, wouldn't you like not put an emoji? Dude...this is odd

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They also did the edgy "I love your personality " "WHAT PERSONALITY" trend

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Like the anime girl smiling and then the next silde was a bunch of anime girls with some creepypasta ahh smile

honest cove
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..being a tiktok creator has nothing to do with DID? like yeah im gonna film a tiktok and add an emoji bc its a tiktok?? that trend is cringe tho and faking it for views/money is not good person behaviour

hoary osprey
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Yeah no i dont think tiktok is an issue but the fact they filmed them for views and likes was pretty effed up

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Like can't you keep some of that stuff to yourself and maybe some close friends

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Publicizing mental disorders like they are quirky is shitty

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I have all kinds of stuff but I won't just say "Hi, I have depression, anxiety, etc." To people who barely know me online unless theyre suffering too

honest cove
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yeah what sort of content is it?

hoary osprey
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Them singing and stuff or posting memes
Saying their alters name and pronouns and then the same day they'll post another character

hoary osprey
honest cove
honest cove
hoary osprey