#14 year old too worried about the world. (TW: SI)

22 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

terse vortex
#

I feel a constant need to die or kill myself. We are on the verge of nuclear annhialation with countries like Iran, Russia, and even former allies like Afghanistan. It feels as if all of the color has been ripped out of my life. I still see it, and it is there, but it no longer means anything. I can't take any of this shit anymore. I try to talk about this kind of thing with anyone and they tell me to "Stop being so worried!" or "Stop whining, at least you arent homeless!" and yeah, I'm not homeless, but the extent of the things that I own is pretty much a few books, a computer and a bed. Nothing else means anything to me anymore. I feel like without school, I no longer have a purpose. I live in Manchester, Ohio, so there is no job opportunity for a 14 year old, considering that the law doesnt let me operate dangerous machinery or anything like that. I havent been able to find a lover, since everyone in my school is either a straight ally or just homophobic. I am really sick of everything, but there is no quick and painless way for me to kill myself. My Dad hides my meds because Ive tried to OD

ivory trellis
hard wigeon
full citrus
#

First of all, https://discord.com/channels/1077258761443483708/1176992653179621458

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's an overused trope, but it's still true. If your parent is aware of this, are you attending therapy?

Don't worry about not finding anyone you click with at school. It might suck to be alone, but in a place that small it's normal. You don't have to force yourself to fit in. (Also, you're from a small place, you shouldn't be sharing that!) I only had a handful of friends in my hometown and I left and never looked back as soon as I graduated.

Do you do video games, or participate in any other online communities? Do you read?

terse vortex
#

I do all of the above as far as that goes

terse vortex
#

I put in the wrong on

#

I couldve swore I put it in #1184731154667020359

full citrus
# terse vortex I couldve swore I put it in <#1184731154667020359>

That's ok. I've been bouncing between them all. You said you do all of those things, do you have friends groups that are online only, or bookclub friends, anything like that? Even growing up in the early days of the internet I always found it waaaay easier to connect with people online, and more safe if someone wants to be antagonistic over something. Throughout all of my life, online friends have found out about all of my personal issues waaaay before IRL friends. Once you get comfortable with being open with one, you move on to the other and it doesn't feel so scary.

But as always, if you don't think it will be safe for you to share with the people you know IRL, don't. It sucks, but you don't have to be alone with it either. There are tons of welcoming communities out there.

terse vortex
#

I prefer irl friends

#

And to me they feel a lot more fulfilling

#

Because irl friends know how I look, and I know they wont judge me based on that

#

But online friends might just give me a metaphorical fuck you and leave because of how I look

full citrus
#

Have you talked to your IRL friends about all of this?

#

And the nice thing about online is if someone gives you hell for who you are, you are under no obligation to ever speak to them again. There are plenty of places out there full of welcoming people. Almost every video game community these days has guilds and discords that are LGBTQ+ safe spaces

#

Black Desert is full of the PKing scum on the world, but my guild all have my back and support me.

terse vortex
#

My irl friends are fake

#

They are only nice when they want something from me

#

And one of them says that we arent even friends half the time

#

But they're all I have

hard wigeon