||So idkkkk I been wondering on like whether I'm a boy or girl idk it's kinda irritating and I feel like it's a bad thing to wonder because of my aunt telling me I shouldn't worry about it and idk I feel like I should tomorrow I got see family and I recently cut my hair short like a mullet idk how they will react and idkkkk they threw a fit over angel fangs and nose piercings yes I understand it's not normalized in there generation my parents are old but idkk I'm 18 let me live they still treat me like I'm a Nuisance just a object in there way yk my uncle flat out told me nobody will notice when your dead mabye he is right I mean I'm some family and friends will but my life value is so low and then everyone forgets me or moves on yk I think only a few ppl wouldn't including my dog I feel like I've been such a bad person a burden to my friends everyone even my dog like dude my dog probably knows I self harm but doesn't know why and my nephew has seen the cuts or seen me held down by my sister n law or heard me scream and yell threats of hurting myself back when I was really struggling I feel like people don't see how much I've improved like significantly I was in the therapeutic group home for 8 months that's the longest I been In a facility before it was 3 and like it was hard I didn't get to see my dog my pet rat died while I was gone I love my rat Thomas I still cry about him when I got out like 5 months ago I was a sa and that's been in my head dragging me down I feel like it's my fault I could have done better mabye it wouldn't happens if I was a bad person karma or something idk it really sucks that it was my friend and then my bf the day after I thought to do the same thing||
#BIG TRIGGER WARNING also Bello gais sorry for the yap again 😔🙌
abstract kayak
||thought he loved me he was my first everything and I didn't even want the sexual bits but I did it so he would stay I feel like nobody stays yk my friend Kyle made a joke saying I'm like uraka from MHA and they are Bakugo and thee friend is Deku And it's really is like they said I'm begging for Kyle to give me attention while KadEn ggets it free I feel like I have to try to stay in people lives yk then I saw a post of my dad and I looked so happy in it it was me as a kid I had toj dig for that photo caused nobody took photos of me much as I was a kid cause I was always crying angry or sad because of all the abuse my mom put me thrEw iI hate my mom yet I wish she was still lik alive yk now my friend is callInG mE cAuSe iTaa night time and laden is asleep and they are bored so they care about me again yk||
||I'm so tired yk I saw photos of my aunt and uncle and I hate them I've never hated anyone really but then they used to beat me black and blue make me eat dirt and drink hose water I was 11 they beat me over a c+ and I was black and blue I've been literally kicked and curb stomped by my cousin||
||seeing that made me feel so usless||
||dude I just wanna TRIGGER WARNING sh so bad I'm so tired it sucks this all I'm so tired of everything of wanting to do that of feeling this way of wanting to hurt myself I was a kid I didn't want to be sa as a kid I didn't wannytt my mom to do twwwww drugs and get us takeddnnnn fucjcjjccj man||
||it's so easy to give up why haven't i||
||my dog Rikki is one my main and my nephew and sister tbh||
||sometimes I wish they didn't care I'd make it easier||
digital rampart
Thank you for sharing. I’m just a rdm person so I don’t know what to say other than that I hope you get well soon, you are seen and perhaps an recommendation.
I recommend you use an AI (like chatgpt) as a therapist. Write the prompt ”could you act as my therapist” and then you are good to go. Sometimes it feels very good to just write your feelings.
Best of luck to you!❤️