shell birch
TW: ||Hallucinations||
Last night I was just rambling with my girlfriend and playing the sims, we were talking about serious topics and I started to get a bit heated (not at her), when I get upset my body and hands uncontrollably shiver very hard which made me begin to panic. I was already overwhelmed and irritated by my computer since it was loading super slow and wouldn’t open particular CCs (custom content) I wanted. Next thing I know my hands are up by my head balled up and all I could let out was whines.. mind you, my body is practically rattling like a broken down car.
||I look over and see a tall black figure standing over me, looming, whispering over and over that I was doing something wrong and that everything was my fault.. I kept trying to respond, trying to say that I was doing my best and that it wasn’t my fault, saying ‘you’re wrong, you hurt me, just go away because I can’t handle this’. Before I know it, more people are standing around me, all staring. I plead for them to look away, sobbing that I can’t handle being stared at (I have horrible generalized anxiety disorder so the feeling of being stared at petrifies me) , they continued whispering things until I was sobbing and curled up into my blankets.||
After a while it all began to go away, when it was done I rapidly apologized to my girlfriend and was sorry about how embarrassing and rude it was for me to have a whole moment while we were mid conversation. For the rest of the time we were talking I was slipping in and out of mental consciousness, going from being coherent one moment to being a shattered and mixed version of myself, unable to remember anything. (I go through times of amnesia but this time it was very different, I wasn’t able to remember what I had literally just said.)
Sorry if this is a lot or if this whole story isn’t allowed.. I just needed to get this off of my mind. Mostly because I’m still shaking and reeling because of it.
strong juniper