#Bit of help please ! :)

68 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

thick moth
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So, I have this friend. This friend is very very special to me, my best friend. I believe I have feelings for her, but she’s still stuck up on her partner. Now, this is where it’s a tad complicated. Her partner has BPD and has ignored her for over a year. Like, completely ghosted her. Despite this, she still believes her heart belongs to him, and plans to wait for him. I don’t plan on telling her, but it’s hurting me so terribly to see her in pain. Does anyone have any idea what I could do? Any help would be very very appreciated!!

Edit: A bit more about how I feel on the topic. It feels different sometimes, because she treats me like a boyfriend already, but then it kicks me in the head when I realise that we aren’t actual partners. It makes me sick sometimes, just the simple reminder that I won’t be able to date her. It drains me sometimes to have to keep it all to myself, and that’s mainly why I’m sharing it. It feels like I’m drowning.

trail kettle
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i really wish i could help, but im lowk stumped on what to do, i'm sorry. :/

thick moth
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You’re good!!!

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It happens lol

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I think it’s just best for me to move on

terse ermine
thick moth
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He’s not online whatsoever, like.. just gone

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That’s what I was thinking too, and I’m trying to gently get her to realise that he likely just doesn’t love her anymore, but she won’t accept it even though she’s hurt by him leaving

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I’m not sure if she’d allow me to message him either way, since the two as a pair are a sensitive topic for her. She knows my feelings about him, and knows that I’m not fond of him due to the way his best friend talks to her also. He just kind of let it happen, and this friend kept telling him to leave my friend behind, and that it was just temporary love.

terse ermine
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Is he live in different state or something that make her visiting him in person impossible? Im afraid shit actually happened to him.

thick moth
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They’re online, and he actually lives all the way in Africa, as she lives in North America

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That’s another aspect I’ve also considered too

terse ermine
thick moth
terse ermine
thick moth
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@near grail

near grail
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guten aben-

thick moth
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Hello hello!

near grail
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read the situation.

thick moth
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Situation where?

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Help desk?

near grail
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no here-

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Gups, my honest bit of advise here..

thick moth
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Ah, right right

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Honestly completely forgot about this for a while

near grail
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She's hooked. It's going to take a LOT to get her unhooked. but you have the right idea of slowly easing her off of him.

thick moth
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Gotcha

near grail
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but here's the thing.

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you need to make her REALIZE, notice and understand. That he's Gone.

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Like Ghosting someone for a WHOLE YEAR?

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happened to me once.. never felt the same since.

thick moth
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I've tried to explain it to her

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And then she went offline, so I panicked and deleted everything before she saw it

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I just genuinely don't have the guts to say anything to her

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I want to help her heal from it, but I just can't

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Without my own feelings getting in the way, of course

near grail
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hmm..

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well look, i have dealt with this before in my own life. It's just.. REALLY hard to actually get through to that person..

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Especially if they're hooked, focused on that person still and REFUSING to let go.

thick moth
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I dunno

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I'm sure I'll get over it eventually

near grail
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don't just give up on your feelings dude-

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that's no way to go.

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so here's what i advise.

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Talk to her, Day in and Day out. I know you said talking about her and him is a sensitive topic to her, but she's waiting like an abandoned puppy..

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That's not right in ANYWAY, her heart will shatter when he never comes back.

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so talk to her.

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slowly pull her away from him.

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don't just spring it on her like "He's never coming back!"

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just.. try to talk to her about him.

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Slowly, reasonably, try to see eye to eye.

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but if she doesn't see to reason

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only then. i advise you break it to her straight..

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she'll be in denial, she'll cry, hurt, and miss him.

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once you either have slowly pulled her away, or broke it to her straight. let her heal, give her time. Then get close to her again, close like you are now. As long as you keep your feelings up and alive you'll be relatively okay.

thick moth
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I don't know.

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It seems like a lot for nothing, you know? A fair trade of pain for love

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But, the pain she'd feel would be a lot higher than the love for me

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Yknow what I mean?

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I don't want to break her

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That's the last thing you'd expect from your best friend

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Not to mention- if I lose her, I lose everything

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Obviously not everything, I have a house, cats, family, but I mean I lose the one friend I have- and I can't just do that

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Sorry if I spoke too much, or showed too much defiance

near grail
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hmm..

thick moth
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Hm?

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Sorry I hadn't seen this

near grail
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no no dw i was thinking, then i had to leave for a bit.