please dont do it
#tw: addiction, sh, suicidal idealation
safe tulip
you should not do it no matter what. I actually mean it since there WILL be a lot of people who will experience unbearable amounts of pain if you do it. Idk if you tried it but i heard that DBT worked on a close friend of mine. Also i encourage you to establish a safe net to speak to in a very rainy time(including emergency services unless you live in a shitty country where police takes 20 minutes to send a squad they DO help.
Apply for rowing or just go out and walk to distract your mind or just speak randomly with your neighbours or friends
SH is not a healthy way to cope you know that i know that. Please dont burn yourself again infact dont harm yourself in anyway its really not worth it
also its okay if you only work part time
its totally fine
if you havent already ask for antidepressants and shit, it can be considered and stuff
also continue venting