#Sexuality crisis.... except I have a girlfriend.

20 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

astral hearth
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Hiiii so I've identified as lesbian for quite some time and uh...
i think i might be aromantic??? i don't even know at all if i might?? and that is BADDD because i have a girlfriend and i just
i don't know?? it's such a confusing feeling. like we got together and i was like "oh yah some butterflies and stuff" but the moment it hit like day after, i don't FEEL love?? like yes i love her and care about her but i don't feel all the things you're meant to. it's like when you say you love your friends, like obviously you care about them and you don't get butterflies. it's like that. i don't know why i'm like this it's so hard to pinpoint what it is and word it. i feel like an asshole

any advice??

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and she isn't the ONLY person this has happened to.

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it has happened with everyone i've been involved with. everybody. i literally don't know why

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am i just a freak of nature? i do not understand

misty magnet
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You are NOT a freak of nature. I was actually doing a bunch of research on aroace things last night because I’ve grown more accepting that I am that, and seen a lot of labels under the aroace spectrum. The one you describe sounds kinda like lithromantic, but I’m not entirely sure (SO TAKE WITH A GRAIN OF SALT). It means you experience attraction but lose it when it’s reciprocated.

I also remember having a similar experience as you, where I was involved with someone but just sort of realized it wasn’t really in love as others do. After a while I did some research and it was sort of called alterous, where it isn’t platonic but not romantic (like for me, I just wanna be close with them and be their person but not involved in that way).

This is just some thoughts of mine that maybe can help you find what you’re wondering about, so it’s not an exact label!! But all in all being aromantic (if you are) is nothing bad, and it’s okay to go through things without realizing it, even if it is with other people. I hope I worded all this well and that it’s not too long 😭

astral hearth
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nicholas you SAINT thank you for the reassurance :,)

it’s just hard because i feel like i’m lying to her. she’s a wonderful girl and absolutely infatuated so i don’t even know how to tell her how i feel without destroying every fiber of her being, i’d feel so terrible. not to mention she’s in contact with my friends so i don’t want her to go to them and then it just becomes a whole thing. NOT IN A “oh i don’t want her to rat me out” way, but a “oh wow now i look terrible and it probably looks like i told her to stop talking to her family forever” kinda thing and if it is the case that i’m aromantic or on the spectrum, then how am i even supposed to tell her without ruining her

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i’m supposed to be seeing her on wednesday too, and i don’t know if i want to because i’ll feel so fake about my emotions.

fast iris
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i'm not the best with reassurance, BUT, you're not an asshole or a freak of nature, you're just trying to understand yourself better and i'm sure that if you talk things out with her, she'll understand, or at least try to :) considering what you said about her being infatuated, i think that if you communicate with her, you should be fine (hopefully, dont quote me on that)

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hopefully that helps, i'm so sorry if it doesn't 😭

astral hearth
fast iris
astral hearth
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ugh guys i think i have to tell her but i dont know how to bring it up. i cant message her, that’s not fair, i know i have to do it over call but i just.. uhdnfb.

astral hearth
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ok guys we broke up

fast iris
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oh i'm sorry :(
was it on good terms or? (if you don't mind me asking ofc)

astral hearth
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oh she unadded me on everything. i dont really care, since it only lasted 2 weeks and she was getting attached really quick so it was definitely going to become unhealthy
.

fast iris
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oh damn, at least it wasnt a long relationship :/

astral hearth
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ah yeah. it’s okay.

fast iris
astral hearth
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oh yeah no im not bothered at all. /g

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like it’s not sad for me, i lowkey dodged a bullet with her