I keep relapsing (TW SH SUICIDE)

[indigo oar]

I was 2 weeks sh free then my friend A D and J blocked me all of them I went into a depressive episode and I ended up sh relapsing many times and my mum knows i sh I told her the first time it happened and she wants to take me to the doctors I hate the doctors I have horrible social anxiety so I'm surprised I'm even writing this. I've had many thoughts of suicide I literally ended up telling my teacher at school I wanted to kms and I went to this thing called calms and they said nothing was wrong with me fast forward a few weeks and I started to sh and wishing I didn't wake up. I just want to get better I hate this

[rustic geyser]

Hey, it's okay. It's all gonna be okay. I promise. You'll find new people and the fact you are able to tell your parents is amazing! I am proud of you

[indigo oar]

Its just like getting to much I feel horrible for even doing it but it's the only thing helping me not think of suicide

[rustic geyser]

What are are you triggers?

[indigo oar]

I genuinely don't even know

And worse thing is tt keeps giving me videos that contain them type of videos

[queen fossil]

Please stay safe, 'kay?

[indigo oar]

I'll promise to try my hardest

[rustic geyser]

I would whenever I see one of those videos block them/ report it