just a lil vent ! (sexuality/guy im talking to..)

[jovial bluff]

uh this is rlly big so imma break it up into pieces

1. ok so basically lately i've been having trouble with my sexuality. i always go between bisexual, lesbian, and pansexual. but lately i've been talking to this guy and i feel bad because i feel like im just infatuated with him instead of actually liking him and i hate that for him because i don't know if he really likes me and honestly now that i truly think abt it he'd be a really great friend! it's just while talking to him (he's not a bad person, like he's the sweetest guy ever..) i took into account that maybe i just see myself romantically with girls and i've always known that but i keep straying away from that as i wanna try something new or i get caught up in my emotions of yearning for love from just anyone but my problem is i'll imagine myself with someone and think about what we COULD be instead of reality and i always sabotage myself.

2. nowadays every time i get with a guy or girl i don't know if i really like them bc theres only been 2 people EVER that i've ever liked that much to the point where i was basically obsessed with them and even though obsessing over someone isn't healthy (i think), nowdays i feel like anytime i develop a crush on anyone its not real because im not madly in love or obsessed and i don't know what to do because im sure i don't like this guy anymore and i just wanna be his friend but i'd hate to just break the news to him when were about to go skating on saturday..