#(SH, SA) i don’t know how much longer i can take it.

7 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

mighty pecan
#

hi. i’m a 14 y/o non-binary. school is tough. people are always rude and just outright idiotic. i get bullied at school for any reason people can think of. hair, body, cutting, anything. i can’t remember a time in the past 5 months where i’ve been clean longer than a day. recently, yknow, it just feels like everyone has it out to get me. to hurt me. to cause pain on purpose. it feels like noone wants me here anymore. what if they dont? i’ve been closer to ending my own life than getting full marks on a test i did. i got 48/50. that’s irrelevant, sorry. i just really feel like i should end it, escape them and give them what they want.

On another note, i’ve been abused in many ways. sexual abuse is something i’ve suffered for long. my father, legally registered as a sexual offender, whilst I was still NINE YEARS OLD, was the first. i won’t go into detail. my “friend”, both at 11, ended up groping me during swimming class and during changing. at 12, my ex-boyfriend forced me into something i didnmt want to do. at 13, me ex girlfriend ended up harassing me and manipulating me. at 14, recently, actually, i broke up with an ex-boyfriend of mine and he was one who convinced me to do things i didn’t want to. he continues to try. i’ve reported the offences to the local police and my school. i feel like.. a toy. i just. feel like that’s the only purpose.

i feel like i should listen to them. i should flip a coin. heads is one option, tails is the other. both fatal.

what do i do? i can’t live anymore.

#

this is all failing to acknowledge my racist, homophobic mother, who is dismissive of me and completely wrong. she’s verbally abusive and nearly ended up getting me killed. twice. and she’s recently been getting worse. more narcissistic. she hates me. she hates me. i know it. she hates me. my own mother. she hates me.

summer blade
#

Because your 14, there isn't rlly much you can do, the best you can do is stand up for yourself, ik the consequences aren't good, but it's better to not suffer in silence, I find that being yourself tends to make someone happier, at least in my experience

trim current
mighty pecan
gritty sun
# mighty pecan hi. i’m a 14 y/o non-binary. school is tough. people are always rude and just ou...

Oh my... I'm really sorry that you're going trough hell. There is really only so much that i could help you out with. You already did a good choice in involving police. I really hope that works out for you. But there is another option, that depends on the country you live in. There should be some sort of child protective service that you can reach out to. They might be able to rescue you from that horrible place you live in. They can get you to a much more loving family. It might be possible to switch school as well i think. I do understand that your current situation seems hopeless and without any chance of becoming better. But there are still options to try. Suicide shouldn't be an option though. Don't through away your life like that. You are just 14 years. Yes, unfortunately you already faced the worst of humankind, but there is still hope left to get to the bright side. It might seem like you are alone in this, but you are not. You still got a community here to lean on and support you. So, don't give up. I truly hope everything will get better for you soon enough and that you may find a far more loving family. Your current doesn't deserve you. You deserve better and you are worth it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, alright? Here, have a virtual hug. 🫂 💕

mighty pecan