#I fucking hate myself

80 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

normal condor
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I hate myself. Thats It. Im litterally a piece of crap. People try to hurt me because i am trans, and im not fucking proud of being trans. I've transicionate more of sexual stuff that to really be a woman. But i didnt know that and now its to late. I dont want to wake up tomorrow

vestal gale
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Aw dude ☹️☹️ trust me you are fine the way you are okay? People are gonna keep trying to hurt you but if you get through it you're really strong okay

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You've been strong up to now I think you can do it

normal condor
vestal gale
normal condor
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sure? idk, i think people are right, im a fucking weirdo

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and im a cop. How can a cop be trans? Its awfull

vestal gale
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You aren't. Cops can be trans dude

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Those people just hate everything unique

normal condor
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maybe, idk

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i hate so much my life.

versed igloo
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By "im a cop" do you mean you are in real life a member of the police?

dusty haven
normal condor
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i dont like my body now, i dont like my face i dont like nothing

dusty haven
normal condor
dusty haven
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i get it can be difficult

vestal gale
vestal gale
normal condor
dusty haven
versed igloo
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Then perhaps part of why you feel this way might be the feeling of hypocrisy given that the police have historically and to this very day been used primarily against the working class and marginalized communities.

normal condor
dusty haven
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we just have a very specific rank structure and inspector is awesome there

dire shale
normal condor
vestal gale
normal condor
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me and my therapist, discused this and she told me that the best thing its to de-transicionate. Because i've was happier when i was a simple boy

versed igloo
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It seems you've internalized ideas like you being a "freak" and "weirdo" because of the ruling ideology's agenda in making you shun and despise yourself instead of freely existing in a way that fundamentally defies strict control of social gender norms.
It's possible you were happier when you were younger because you weren't a "freak" yet, but could stay in the closet.

vestal gale
normal condor
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Because being trans helps in the fact that "im not gay, im just a girl in a boys body"

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but all is shit because you cant know how is to be in another body

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It was more my fathers decision that mines....

versed igloo
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Did you view your transition in this way, as a means to escape having to be a gay man? Or was it that you were this person but now you're trying to think of ways to justify repressing dysphoria. The point I want to ask clear as day is: do you instinctually feel disconnected from male identity and male existence?

normal condor
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fuck my life

normal condor
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im only a fucking gay man that his parents doesnt want to have a gay man so its easier for them that "im a girl, not a boy". "i always wanted a girl, not a boy"

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so i think what i want its do go back with my past Life and say to my fucking parents an to the fucking world that im gay

vestal gale
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It's okay to detransition yknow. If you're comfortable with a new identity then that's good

normal condor
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but its tough

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i think the people wants me to be a girl

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But im the only one know that not

versed igloo
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So you would feel comfortable with a man's name, is what I am asking? Would you be comfortable being perceived as male and pass as male?

vestal gale
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Doesn't matter what people want, just what you want

normal condor
versed igloo
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Then if being a woman really causes this amount of distress then the dysphoria seems to be coming from this side of the river if anything, and that being male might solve part of your inner struggle. Maybe you can, at least online, see how you feel with changing pronouns and name, seeing if male gender presentation and actualization is more affirming?

normal condor
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but im scared that my parents and people dont treat me well

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they insisted a lot for me to be a girl that i think i Will dissapoint them

versed igloo
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If you weren't scared enough to pass up on posting this then I don't think fear is a good excuse to pass up at least trying this out online. You don't have to change for anyone in real life that you know at this point. All I'm suggesting is seeing in spaces like this if maleness would be a better fit.

normal condor
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i think that could be my next goal

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I hope my parents dont know

versed igloo
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If they don't know about this text then they don't need to know about that side either.

normal condor
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thank you for listening,its a weird pleasure having someone that listen

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can i close this thread, i need to delete this stuff my parents cant know this

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they could enter in my account or watch my mobile without knowing

versed igloo
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How old are you?

normal condor
vestal gale
normal condor
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hes a hacker

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for the Police in Spain

rain nebula
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was about to say maybe call the police

versed igloo
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I'm somehow not shocked in the least.

vestal gale
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U deserve independence vive la revolution

normal condor
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i need more money

vestal gale
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Boo 😔 I’m sorry bro

rain nebula
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heres my take sorry if i sound kinda stupid im dumb af but maybe just tell them to back off from who you are for once (idk maybe this is a bad idea)

normal condor
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well, im sorry for bothering all of you, i dont want to take more time for listening a stranger

rain nebula
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its ok i dont have anything more important to do

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and you seem like you need to at the very least vent

normal condor
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Thanks for all, really

versed igloo
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If you are dependent on authorities like parents and can't survive on your own it is generally not a good idea to try and challenge it so openly. If they have the power to send someone into homelessness "vive la revolution" and "back off" while the correct positions to take are dangerous here.

normal condor
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Yes

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im going to close ticket

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Thanks for all, again

rain nebula
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😓