#!!TW SH, SU, 🍇, SA AND BULLYING!!vent

182 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

haughty pier
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Hi I'm a 13 y/o transmasc, or around 3-5 years I've been getting stressed and uncomfortable around people and the thought of living my household is build like this, so my baby brother (1), brother aka past 🍇ist and sa'er(9 I think), my grandpa (I think he's 66), and my mum (idk her age I think shes in her 40s), so I'm babysitting my baby brother everyday and I get tired because, I'm not a parent not want to be, so I stopped watching him around when I started to get bullied by my ex let's call them LC bcz why not, they is a scene, plus size, non binary, they broke up with me over phone

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, I found out they was only with me for money, to feel praise and because they felt "sorry" for me, even though I was fine being single. Around March maybe, she had a snap chat group with my old friends, talking smack the last message they said was by a girl, when our mother's where pregnant they were in the same room so we grew up together for a couple of years, anyway that's another story. She said that "(dead name) should get 🍇ed by her dad" so like, that's not ok, in anyway, and the the point of that group chat was because. Apparently I was bullying my aboriginal ex, who I considered a friend, yes, I considered LC as a friend because they helped me through my struggles and I helped them, but apparently none of that mattered, me saying "please don't h@ng yourself your too young LC" that wasn't enough, me saying that I'll go to their house to make sure they don't hurt themselves wasn't enough, no. I was being accused for racial bullying. RACIAL BULLYING, because I say I don't like SOME people in the Aus aboriginal race because they GAVE me unsettling feelings, I was talking about when I was younger, but now I'm in homeschooling because I can't feel safe in a school because, ALL OF MY CLASSES were with them WITH LC. Now a days I'm getting stressed because I have to balance study at night, babysit at day, oh where's my social life I'll put babysitting down, my mum is yelling at me now, oh I'm losing friends on social media,

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because I don't go outside, my body is a mess, I barely shower anymore because I can't waste my time, I need to study and babysit and maintain friendships, so I resorted to c/ting myself. I do it with a steak knife so it's not suspected, and I do it lightly, so it gives the relief but barely a mark. My mum says I can't study well because I'm alone so sometimes I have to sit in her room. Which makes me wanna cry and run away, because she doesn't help, she games and if I try to talk to her because I like talking while working it reduces my anxiety, she tells me to shut up, same goes even if I'm not studying and I wanna talk about my hobbies, it's shut up or get out, and she has bpd and I don't wanna self diagnos(Or is it diagnosis? Idk) but I think I might have it too, not to affend people with it. Anyway, I feel incomplete even though I have amazing girlfriends and a stable life (i think/for now) but I feel like there's no point of me living and, I just want help because I don't know what to do. manicantbelievethis Please help me broooo

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Sorryyy, I know it's long

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Some things may also not make sense

placid rock
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I hope this will help you, i will try my best :
I'm really sad of the life you got...
No one is here to help you, you are really alone... I hope everything would get better for you. I hope you will realise your life.
I hope you will stop harming yourself... It's very bad, you're body will get worse everyday, everytimes you will do this... Please, dont do it.

haughty pier
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I've been clean for days because I haven't had the need to sh

modest plinth
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Hii

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gayy bestie! @worn kernel

placid rock
sleek rapids
sleek rapids
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Can I ask a question why do you hurt your body)

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Do you feel any satisfaction out of it. I find it painful and don’t see a reason why anyone would do it even if they were suicidal

raven quarry
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i'm also transmasc and i also happened to have a baby brother i babysit (2) everyday after school, plus weekends.. so the juggling and the stress, i can really relate to. unfortanutely can't be very helpful as i don't know how to cope with that 😢. doesn't help my dad and my other brother are both lazy asses who hide out in their room while i babysit.

i can't relate to everything else happening in your life (and i'm so sorry that that's what you have to deal with). but your physical and mental health more important than studying; please find the time to shower and take care of yourself. i know with homeschool, plus your mom watching over you study, that time is difficult to find, but either explain to your mom or do it at midnight or something.

and i would tell you not to sh, actually i will, because it is really just not good for your overall healyh; find an alternative to shing, such as something to just punch really really hard and gives you the same satisfaction (but omg i'm a hypocrite i need to start doing that)

wth look at this brick-

sleek rapids
raven quarry
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do you babysit your brother?

sleek rapids
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Yes

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How old is your brother

raven quarry
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almost two

sleek rapids
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You have school work to right?

raven quarry
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yeah

sleek rapids
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What is so stressful explain it to me in a simple way

raven quarry
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it might not be stressful to you, but it depends on the circumstances. i do this five days a week, at least four hours, on weekends up to ten hours, alone with two useless and annoying people in the house

sleek rapids
raven quarry
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one's at home, one's at work.

sleek rapids
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Just have him sleeping

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And walk with him if he dosent want to sleep

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Just make him tired

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Do excecises with him

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Make him tires and have him go to sleep for a few hours and do your work until he is sleeping

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Tired *

raven quarry
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i do that. i've been babysitting this kid since he was six months old.

sleek rapids
raven quarry
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it works. that's not my point. my point is that it takes a lot out of you.

maybe you're better at dealing with it, but you don't need to be critical, nor pry, of/into what makes people stressed or not.

raven quarry
sleek rapids
raven quarry
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self-harm

sleek rapids
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Ohh

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Wbt su tw and sa

sleek rapids
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There is not point in self harm. I see it as a mental problem if you self harm and find satisfaction out of it

raven quarry
sleek rapids
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Oh

raven quarry
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anyways, good night!

sleek rapids
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Like sh

raven quarry
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not c/tting, but yes.

sleek rapids
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Oh..

haughty pier
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I forgot to add what most of the stuff my mum has said to me so I'll say it

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"I'll send you back to school to get your head kicked in by those (n word I'm not spelling it) " "you lazy fat cow" (I barely weigh 70kg). Now SOME jokes she has made while I'm studying in her room (idk what they were off the top of my head but I know what they were based on) so like, making fun of me because I'm sensitive, homophobic, trans phobic, sexist and very VERY rarely she makes jokes about suicide, she also makes fun of Americans

placid rock
placid rock
haughty pier
placid rock
haughty pier
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talking about how she wants to khs and how shitty her life is

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hold on shes yelling at me rn

placid rock
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Good luck... She is angry, so the only person she could yell to is you... I hope this would get better.

haughty pier
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yea shes talking about how I don't do stuff around the house

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she just hit me

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she says if I fail my home schooling she'll send me to my dad's

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my dad is worse than her

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unless she was gaslighting me about him

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my mum makes me want to harm myself but I'm trying not too

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ngl she makes me feel useless and lazy

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because i babysit till i get lightheaded or feel like im about to puke, sp i go lay down and i may fall asleep, but im sick

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and she sleeps all day everyday unless shes gaming with her friends

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who bully me

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do the point i mute them when im in xbox party chat with them

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tbh, i see no true reason for me to study because my mum just makes me feel stupid anyway

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and im not even sure ill be able to reach 14

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so why should i study, im going to fail anyway

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my mum is yellng at my baby brother for crying

haughty pier
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so my brother (9) kept throwing his shoes at me hitting my hip,head,spine and almost my face

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so I took his Xbox and phone and put them in my mum's room and let her know why

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she them proceeded to give them back to him with a "warning" of "stop throwing stuff ok"

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but if I threw 1 thing I would've gotten a beating, yelled at and ALL my devices taken away

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then she would've locked me in my room with my brother

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who used to touch my body

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and try to put himself inside of me

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I haven't told my mum because she would say I made him try to

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or that he would twist it to think I was doing that to him

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which I wouldn't because he is sexist and literally swears at girls at his school

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he got detention for it

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but my mum just "Stop swearing"

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wow.

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my whole life I tried to be good, not just because I'm a people pleaser or because I'm sensitive

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but because I was scared of what my mum would say if I got detention

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I almost got detention this year

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and I was crying my eyes ut

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out*

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turns out it was a false alarm tho

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I sat in detention for no reason

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anyways..

raven quarry
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holy shit. this is bad. like, very bad. it also sounds a bit like englect.. maybe you could call cps, and they can help you out with this?

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praying this gets better 🙏

haughty pier
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she says im a wh0r3

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and that she hates us

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i dont feel safe anymore

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she said if i eat something without permission again she'll make me bite the curb

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im scared

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I'm tempted to end it

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im so fucking close

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sorry for my language

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@raven quarry @placid rock Sorry to @ but idk what to do

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And I don't wanna call CPS because they'll ask questions and I'm not good at questions I'm also not allowed to talk rn

placid rock
sleek rapids
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Shit @haughty pier

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When u go to school try to find a department like a police tell them that and just beg not to go back

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Like deadass

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Can’t do anything about it at this point you have to call the police or someone

eternal oracle
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If you do go to the police and end up separated, you will probably need to testify in court at some point. Considering the things shes doing to you.. that could be worth it.

haughty pier
eternal oracle
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Thats so much worse.

eternal oracle
haughty pier
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I've told my cousin because she's worried about me

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She's only a couple months older

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But she's a lot smarter than I am

eternal oracle
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I'mma say this, I stopped visiting and living with my mom (Divorced parents) and my mental health improved significantly.

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(Its still really bad, just not constant home issues)

haughty pier
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My uncle has said many times that he would literally take me in

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Because he's worried about me

eternal oracle
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That isn't a horrible idea.

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You probably should.

haughty pier
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But my cousin, her mum, my uncle and my grandpa have been thinking of moving me away from her

haughty pier
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If I'm not up to week 3 he said I can stay up at his house longer because it would be clear I can't study at 'home'

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I'm at week 2 but I have quite a while

eternal oracle
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I will guarentee you this, if you do stay with him and your mom keeps pushing to take you, you probably will go to court and have to testify.

haughty pier
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And my mum said my the end of this week I need to be at week 5 or I'm just a waste of money

eternal oracle
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She-

eternal oracle
haughty pier
haughty pier
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Or at least that's what she blames it on

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It's 11:06 rn

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And I have insomnia so I'll be up till around 2am

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Plus there's a blowfly in my room

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Oh and

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We have rats, mice and maggots in our house

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Not nice living conditions

eternal oracle
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Uhhh... that shit aint legal to live in..

haughty pier
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It's like that because my brother (9) trashes the house

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I'll need to ask his tomorrow how mum hit him tho

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Because it sounded like hair pulling or choking

eternal oracle
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This shits a nightmare....

haughty pier
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I can't tell all I heard were cries

haughty pier
eternal oracle
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I mean, everyones gonna tell you this but... please try and live with other relatives.

haughty pier
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I'm trying

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But I also don't speak up anymore because mum yells at me when I did

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So I'm soft spoken

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Unless I feel safe

eternal oracle
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This is a literal living nightmare.

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I gotta go for a while.. stay alive please.

haughty pier
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I will

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I promise

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If I don't respond I'm on end because it's past 10

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I normally don't like talking to people past 10 unless I really need to

eternal oracle
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Oh thats the opposite of me.

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I hate being silent past 10pm

sleek rapids
raven quarry
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this keeps getting worse. i'm so mad i can't help and all i can do is talk -- but yeah, i'll say the same thing as everyone else: just hold out until you can go see your uncle, then just don't go back to your mom. you can ask him to help you, like filing a lawsuit or something like that, so you don't have to do it alone.

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if you need to vent here more, please do, i'm happy to try to make you feel better however possible <3

sleek rapids
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@haughty pier u good?

haughty pier
eternal oracle
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Thats great to hear.

haughty pier
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Mum had a crash out today

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"I'm going to kill you fucking kids" "I wish I could go back in time and be with the Russian to have none of you" "EAT YOUR FOOD OR I'LL CALL YOUR DAD AND MAKE YOU GO WITH HIM" -her

placid rock
haughty pier
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I don't eat meat

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I'm pollotarianNekoCry

placid rock
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Ohh I see, I'm sorry for you

haughty pier
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my mum tried to either break my arm or hurt it till it stung

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she was hitting my arm with her fist

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and im really boney