Tw: Sh and Sui

[narrow token]

Ideally, you stop completely. There are substitutes that exist for sh if you look them up. If that still doesn’t work and you must cut, make sure it’s at least sterile (like cover it with some rubbing alcohol to disinfect it)

I’m curious though, what is it about the sh that makes you want to do it?

Also do you have any professional you could bring this up to? Have you tried telling anyone else?

[broken light]

I feel like I fail at everything I can’t continue making people happy…. I feel like I am mean to people and over protective

[broken light]

I’ve call/texted 988 but I haven’t told anyone else no

[late grail]

This may come off as rude, and I hope it isn't but what I taught myself is that when you're dead you're more usless then if you're alive, even if you feel useless someone needs you, even if no one does, I do, I need you to keep yourself alive as much as it hurts to live keep going, the weight of a secret that big is hard to keep, and it gets harder the longer it goes on, so please don't hurt yourself.

[broken light]

Can’t promise I won’t hurt myself… but I’ll continue trying and no it wasn’t rude at all

[narrow token]

Who said you need to make people happy?

[broken light]

Myself

[narrow token]

No one can make everyone happy, it simply isn’t possible

At least try to make yourself happy before focusing on others

[broken light]

Yes I am aware I just want my friends to be happy to the best of my ability

[late grail]

You don't need to make everyone happy, you need to find things that make you happy that don't harm yourself or others, don't worry about those that hate you for who you are, find the ones who care, find the ones who are happy with you being you.

[broken light]

That’s the problem I can’t focus on myself it’s always on my friends

[narrow token]

I’m still curious what it is that you get out of the sh?

[broken light]

Could you elaborate

[late grail]

What do you feel when you do it that makes you keep doing it?

[narrow token]

Why do you do it? What is it about the feeling that you want

[broken light]

Just I guess it makes me feel happy, I guess I think I got what I deserved but for what I don’t know….

[broken light]

Okay I’ll try

[narrow token]

In that case think of it this way, do you think your friends want to see their friend in pain. A good friend will want to help, so talk to them and see what they have to say.

[broken light]

I’ve done that they just want me to be happy

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And what do they do to help?

[broken light]

What do you mean

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When you tell them about how you feel and what you struggle with, do they give you advice? Do they try and comfort you?

[broken light]

Yes too both that if I tell them I don’t like tell people because they have enough problems already and I don’t need to put mine in them

[narrow token]

Well at least take splice knowing that they care for you. If they help, that means they care, and that means people care. You aren’t alone. Maybe try hanging out with them more, see if it distracts or helps with what you’re feeling right now.

[late grail]

It's not what you deserve, it's punishing yourself for what others do, this may be rude again but stop hurting yourself stop being around anyone who hurts youto the best of your ability, it's all you can do and it's perfect, even if it's not it is because the best you can do, even the mightest of gods make mistakes, they're as perfect as the smallest ant, so don't worry and I know those two words are overused but it's the best two words to follow, it's hard to be happy but if you force yourself to be someone you're not then you're forcing yourself to be someone you're friends don't know, be yourself and don't worry what others think, what matters are your actions.

[narrow token]

I can guarantee you they’d rather help than simply see you in a sadden state. That is what makes them your friends after all.

[broken light]

It doesn’t, I’ve kinda just help them with their problems and push mine down

[narrow token]

Wait, so have you told them or no?

[broken light]

This message is so wholesome

[broken light]

Once too one person

But at the same time they said this and I quote “You’re a bad friend sometimes”

[narrow token]

Remember this, you can’t get help when people don’t know you need it. I get you may think that your troubling your friends, but do you really think they’re happy knowing that one of their friends is sad but they can’t help because they don’t know what it is that’s making them sad?

[narrow token]

Then comes the other question, are all your friends really friends?

[broken light]

I think so at least but at the same time just today they said “at least I am not emotionally abused” (which I am by my parents) and tho I said it didn’t hurt I lied

I care about them that much that I would pretend it didn’t hurt tho it did

[narrow token]

You do a disservice to your friends as well as yourself when you lie. For your part, you silently face pain. At the same time however, it also shows a lack of trust in your friend.

[broken light]

Yeah I have MAJOR trust issues

[narrow token]

Just a suspicion or more because of some past event?

[broken light]

Both

I don’t want them to use me like how others have again

[narrow token]

You say you do it to make your friends happy, but no one is happy when they are lied to.

[broken light]

I mean if they don’t know…..

[late grail]

As much as living a lie that you don't know about can be happy, the truth will come out sooner or later and it will hurt twice as bad.

[broken light]

I guess so…

[narrow token]

All I’m trying to say I guess is, if they do something, especially something that hurts you in some way, just tell them. You don’t need to pour out everything or anything, but just let them know. If they really are your friends, then they will stop, and if they don’t, you learn they weren’t really your friends after all.

[narrow token]

Exactly

[broken light]

I guess that makes sense, thank you!

[narrow token]

Yeah, you don’t have to go all in, especially if you have concerns with trust. Just start with small things to gauge their reactions and if it goes well, you can slowly start sharing more.

[broken light]

Okay :3

Tysm J

And Clover

[late grail]

Do yourself a favor, tell the truth, as much as it will hurt you now, it's like a bandaid rip it off fast and you feel a lot of pain for a short time but no more pain afterwards, rip it off slow and you feel about the same pain for longer, but let it set the fear of the pain will gnaw at you until it enivetably comes off weather it be painless or painful the mark it will leave after that time will remind you of the past, the physical body might heal yes, but it doesn't mean it's invincible, the physical body is fragile, but the heart and soul is much weaker, especially underpressure, one feather might be nothing but one million is to much for one person to bear.

[late grail]

Don't thank me, I'm just putting words together for phrases that might not have any meaning. Thank yourself for putting through your pain, thank yourself for telling the wonderful people on this server about your pain since it is hard, I don't deserve the thanks for reasons, but I wish you a good morning, good evening, or good night wherever you are, and I hope you live a happy life.

[broken light]

[late grail]

I'm heading to bed, it's 4 am for me. Good night.

[broken light]

Good night