Have you ever... | Pridecord | Page 1

turbid swift May 19, 2025, 9:58 PM

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Have you ever chased something so much because you thought that's what you strives for and now you're even wondering if it was even that you wanted?

Or what if you did chase it and you ended up killing that motivation?

What if both happened and you don't even know what the feeling is, or how to describe it in any sort of capacity.

Where it's been toyed around and manipulated that you just want it to stop so you decide to cut it off and trash everything that's even remotely close to having people think that way.

But secretly you still want it, regardless of the pain that others brought it, and you start think to yourself that you really do want it back.

And now I'm scared because I know so much of the world and people around me, that I don't even know what I am except the positive things that people say I am. So I don't know the real emotions playing out, just my thoughts. I've cut off my emotions from my thoughts so I'm either one or the other but that just leads to how bipolar I act.

I know I should listen and get advice from other people I consider close but that's how I ended up the mess I am.

How I secretly still want it. That level of closeness everyone assumes and guise under a romance.

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I used to be a really bad person these past few years, your stereotypical self-absorbed selfish and drama-filled person

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But ever since I moved schools, and those I loved cutting ties with me without me knowing, I decided I'm going to change for myself, and I did. I resolved those i bullied, hurt, and even cut ties with those I couldn't save

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But now that I've rebuilt everything, I was never able to bring back the level of closeness I used to have with a best friend who dealt with the worst I did

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so could I ever get that connection back? I don't want a romance, I just need someone. But everyone ends up leaving, or starts to get to scared on who I was

kind tendon May 19, 2025, 10:53 PM

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turbid swift Have you ever chased something so much because you thought that's what you striv...

what is this "it" you keep mentioning?

kind tendon May 19, 2025, 10:54 PM

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turbid swift so could I ever get that connection back? I don't want a romance, I just need so...

While that level of connection is something you could get agian, I'm not sure if it would be possible for the people you once had it with.

turbid swift May 19, 2025, 10:58 PM

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kind tendon what is this "it" you keep mentioning?

The last part. The closeness

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Sorry. I'm a writer, that's why it's formatted weird like that

kind tendon May 19, 2025, 11:00 PM

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ah ok

thin condor May 20, 2025, 10:45 PM

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drop all this pathos and explain normally what makes you think, what turns other people away from you, and how exactly you have adjusted to pander to the interests of other people in interaction

turbid swift May 21, 2025, 3:59 PM

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thin condor drop all this pathos and explain normally what makes you think, what turns other...

I've completely rewritten myself, I'm still learning what makes me think. People fear me because of how real I can be in how I act or what I say, even more when I explain who I was, because I think being transparent about the past brings a better understanding of a person. I'm not adjusting to anyone anymore, I'm just me.

kind tendon May 21, 2025, 11:18 PM

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I'm still not grasping what this thing people fear is supposed to be.

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But I guess that's sort of the point.

turbid swift May 22, 2025, 3:57 AM

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The lethality of my words and actions when I am broken

#Have you ever...