Being like that... (Trigger warning: Suicide, Self-harm)

[true island]

Going through hard time. Thinking death is mine, almost and everyday.
During that period, everything shutdown.
Maybe not of the way to actively commit suicide, but the pain still there.
Being like this for a long time. Everyone see me as "normal" because I'm in this "masking state" too long to the point I'm dull with all the pain and see that as "normal thing".
Cannot be honest with my Therapist anymore. She is going to turn down me anyway. I see myself being there, nothing.
Scars are still going with me. They are silent, but inside, they are loud enough to kill my ears.
Psychotic periods also want to play with me.

[tiny sentinel]

Do you want to talk it ?

[mint eagle]

i feel you, been doing this for 18 years and still gonna keep doing it but I will advise finding someone you can really trust and talk to them. Shame i can't listen to my own advice.

[edgy eagle]

Well then Listen

i feel you, been doing this for 18 years and still gonna keep doing it but I will advise finding someone you can really trust and talk to them. Shame i can't listen to my own advice.
Ur own advice nah I’m jk sorry to hear this man say if u need anything I’m nearly 24/7 on my phone so I’m here to listen also dw I’m not gonna betray u lol

[mint eagle]

Thanks man ❤️ appreciate you

[edgy eagle]

Mh sorry to hear this Ik how it feels like that the mask and the reality well enough yapping
You should trust ur therapist why? 1stly she can’t betray u
2ndly ur great ain’t no way someone can betray u
3rdly idk xD have a good day/life and anyways if u need anything I’m here 2 annoy and listen and have a good one. Take care!

[edgy eagle]

Np also how are you?

[mint eagle]

I'm existing

[edgy eagle]

Lemme guess u don’t have motivation for anything?

[mint eagle]

mhm

[edgy eagle]

Well then

Take care of ur 6 dogs and bird

[mint eagle]

I will do ❤️

[edgy eagle]

Good

[edgy eagle]

Also what’s their names?

[mint eagle]

My bird is called Lady and my dogs are called Moo, Loo, Ocean, Timmy, Lily and Sandy

[edgy eagle]

I love the names the most I love the name moo loo xD

Btw ur like the first straight person I’ve met on this server

[mint eagle]

Lmao

[mint eagle]

❤️

[edgy eagle]

Fr

[edgy eagle]

Lady is a great name too tbh

[mint eagle]

❤️

[edgy eagle]

So many hearts ❤️

[mint eagle]

i like hearts ❤️

[edgy eagle]

I See 💘💝💓💞

💖❣️✨💗♥️

💕✨💖

[mint eagle]

🤣

[true island]

Well we had a commitment, if I still be honest, it means the Therapy doesn't work and she will stop working with me.

[true island]

I don't mind.

[true island]

Having somebody is hard.
If I have someone to talk to, I will not be here.
My partner keeps saying "I'm here for you" and it doesn't solve anything.
I don't trust my family or relatives. I am a domestic abuse victim.
Friends don't understand, I don't have friends in high-levels. We just know each other.