#I'm dumb for thinking this way.

13 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

rare bluff
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Currently, I'm in a relationship with a person I've broken up with two times. We're treating eachother better now(I hope) but a part of me is still afraid. Both breakups were decided by me too — even my friends are getting tired of listening to me yet I just had no one else to turn to.

First breakup was in 2022 or 2023, our relationship was fantastic and we were both so happy. Our friends called us love birds and that we were made for eachother. I hated how I acted back then though, I would sometimes snap at people when I'm in a bad mood, especially to her. I always tried to apologize to her and would always make apology art, poems and even tried to make an entire book dedicated to our first meeting and our relationship throughout the years since I've known her for more than 4 years. It was perfect until one day, she decided to tell me she met this ‘friend’ and slowly, she drifted away from me. She then, a few days later, asked if that person could join our relationship(we're both poly) and I accepted it without knowing the consequences. They would talk more and she would even go out of her way to ghost me, she even made excuses that it was because of school. It wasn't. I talked to one of her friends and yeah, I heard everything. She pretended to be offline most of the time to talk to her 'other gf'. From all the stress of trying to make the relationship work, I broke it off. She didn't care.

But then came back to me when they broke up.

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Second break up was in 2024, I was also dating this other person at the time, let's call her X. I introduced X and her before sooner enough — we all dated eachother, again. X was always pressuring me to do this and that, would even make us do.. unspeakable things. But those two started to argue and would sometimes take it out on me. Again, from pressure, I broke it off with her before two months later, I left X. Before that, She(the first one) cut contact with me and left me to suffer in the remaining relationship. After that break up, SHE CAME BACK AGAIN.

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So why am I afraid that I'm in a relationship with her again for the third time?

From those two experiences alone, I was afraid it would repeat. That I was going to get treated the same. I tried to not overthink every inconvenience and just breathe. Whenever she played with my friends, I was afraid that she'll start crushing on them despite how in love she is with me - she kept saying so many love dovey stuff towards me and yet, I still feel unsure if I should give in again.

I do love her, that's the thing. I never lost feelings for her. I waited 4 years back then before getting together with her, witnessed her breakups and almost got involved in them. I always stuck by her side. I think I've known her for 6 or 7 years now. I wish I could just do better for her.

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Is it wrong for me to overthink this?

azure whale
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no, you are very valid for this.

rare bluff
azure whale
rare bluff
muted osprey
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i dont know if someone already said this because my discord is buggy, but you are absolutely valid for doing this

north fulcrum
north fulcrum
rare bluff
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Thank you very much❤️

north fulcrum