who am i, what am i (idk anymore)

[royal atlas]

i posted here a little bit ago (#1367320115670028402 message)
about being bi and questioning my gender, and now i'm back

i'm amab, and idk what i am, for as long as i can remember, i have been... girly ig, in school i found it easier to make friends with girls, one year i invited almost exclusively girls to my bday party (i was in second grade iirc), i've looked in the mirror and wished i had a female body, i've grown out my hair, i've put it in a ponytail, i like pink and purple, i wanna wear cropped hoodies, when i'm looking at clothes on the internet, i usually end up in the women's section, because that's where the crop tops are, and the stuff with flower patterns, etc...

but i also don't know how to express that, idk if the right choice is to transition, i want to try using she/they pronouns and a more fem name, but idk how to tell my parents and teachers

(as a sidenote, i was talking to some irl friends at the "gayble" (the table in the cafeteria that is mostly queer kids), and one of them mentioned something about becoming a femboy if the other person provided the fit, and i semi jokingly asked how hard they thought it would be for me to do it, and they said they think it'd be pretty easy, round glasses, croptop of some kind, grow out my hair a bit (or get a pixy cut or smth like that), and i'd be basically set)

[still scarab]

hi, i'm theteapot, but teapot and tea are ok too, and i'm bi, and also questioning my gender

i've told some irl and online friends that i'm bi and they've all been chill and supportive, or just don't really care, and my mom says she will support me no matter what, but i still don't know if i should just officially come out already, part of me says that i'm the most vanilla flavor of the rainbow, and i shouldn't make a big deal out of it by coming out, because it'll look like i want a little bit of extra attention because "he's not completely straight"

and that's another thing, i'm amab, and for the most part i identify as a guy, but i wanna let out my inner queen sometimes (ok, that sentence is kinda cringe, but whatever), i want to wear cropped hoodies, and nail polish, i wanna do ponytails (my hair is currently too short for that tho), i want to wear purple (i just really like the color purple), i want to wear clothes that are more fem, and i want to express myself in that way, but idk how

a few months ago i took an old hoodie that had a bunch of holes in it, grabbed a pair of scissors, and cropped it, which also removed all the holes, and i wore it once (with a puffer vest over it to make it less noticeable that it was cropped (i wore it to school, and some people there...)), and when i came home, i took it off, and then it just disappeared, idk if my mom took it or what (she said she didn't, but idk if that's the truth)

i haven't really talked to my irl friends because a decent amount of them are queer, and they have bigger problems than some white guy from school that's bi but doesn't know how to come out, and i don't want to make it look like i'm trying to get attention, but ig by posting this, that's exactly what it looks like...

[royal atlas]

who am i, what am i (idk anymore)

[royal atlas]

hello?

[royal atlas]

anybody there?