I'm just feeling lost again.

[fresh iron]

Its happened, alot recently this past year. I've been more and more just. Lost.
I don't have the words to describe how I'm feeling.
I thought I have been getting better. To be more sure. To be more "real". But the meaning of my life. The Boredom I feel. I don't feel like enough.
I haven't done anything to better myself.
I feel like I'm wasting all this time.
And, I've gotten to understand all this so much better, knowing what I need, but I never do anything.
I'm so useless, lazy, I fell off.
I have no true friends, people to interact with and like. Have fun. I suck with connections. Leaving me alone in my head. (This is not a plea)
I'll never be seen as a girl. I feel like I'm losing her in my mind. I don't do anything, I'm lazy, I'm useless. I'll never be able to be more feminine.
I CANT EVEN GET MYSELF TO FREAKING CODE.
And like. Oh your not coding, as you just don't know how.
Well. Could be Because I NEVER study. I physically can't study.
I just.
I wish I was a girl. Actualy have a good body. Stop hating everything. Being bored all the time. Just. I'm a neusance. I cannot talk to people. I over think. I don't want to be rude or hurt anyone.
I feel like a giant fraud...

[tawdry shale]

I can relate, I sometimes also feel useless, but then I remember, how many people I help, how many people actually care.

And even if you feel like you can’t get yourself to do anything. Things will get better eventually. Life just hits hard sometimes.

But it’s up to you, how you deal with the hardship.

@fresh iron also, it doesn’t matter how others see you. As long as you are comfortable with the way you express yourself, you’re fine.

[fresh iron]

Thank you,
Yeah, I just, don't express myself :p
Yeah, apart of me does worry about others. It's just all the internal, conflicts?
Again,
Thank you so much. :3

[tawdry shale]

I have dealt with eternal conflicts before.
the best way to resolve them is to just do what feels best and stick to it.

Do what makes you the happiest.