rose wind
I pretty much have to get a jop, I tried out Baker, or cashier (where I got multiple anxiety attack thingys sorry forgot the name of it). But then I also tried out florist where I now got a permanently mark on my hand and many red painfully memories from somehow cutting myself from only carrying the plants around TwT
(im pretty sure I'm autistic ((not diagnosed, but the therapist did ask me if I was, so I think she thought the same as me)) and depression ((also not diagnosed but also suspected by a therapist I did saw for who knows long becouse i cant do the next step todo anything against the depression without the accaptence from my care giver)))
But even as I was trying out florist, I kinda felled out of place (and it's not great having a spider phobia there). When I got told to carry the flowers out and decorate outside they always got changed around, feeling like o always did something wrong without getting told how todo even better.
But so far florist was the best, it was calm, nice. But I got alot hurt becouse I'm kinda delecate, the spiders are there too, and ofcourse my brain is horrible at keeping information, so rembering all the flowers by name and knowing how to take care of them is nearly impossible.
I don't know what todo, I need todo something or I'm fu#€ed. There aren't alot of jops I kinda find okay, each of them kinda stresses me alot and make my life just, kinda unlivable? I know everyone gets a jop many don't like them and still do it, but I kinda don't wanna, or find a jop that I can do from home where i don't have to be super smart, don't have to speak to people, just get an easy understandable task and do it over and over again. I know it's sounds probably dumb, and wierd, but I really hate the thought alone already, it making me always tear up. I really don't know what todo and just hope that time Figures it out for me
muted walrus