I don't know what to title this.

[formal pilot]

I thought I had everything figured out, I realized I was trans, I had been trying out things like wearing different clothing and different pronouns, I tried out a new name with my closest friends, All of that's been great but really stressful and just triggering my anxiety, I don't really pass as feminine, my voice and just looking in a mirror gives me massive dysphoria, for a while I thought I was AroAce but I just feel lonely, My mom is trying her best when she tries to call me by my preferred pronouns, she is fully supportive and doesn't try to call me by masc pronouns but it still doesn't feel good, why is it that every time I think I figure this shit out I start questioning everything again? I'm tired of being a political weapon, I'm tired of everything, I just want to be happy for once, is that so much to ask for? I haven't gone through any of the transition steps like getting HRT as I'm not of age to get it or gotten diagnosed or officially changed my name, Its all stressing me out and I just want to cry. ;-; I don't want to be a burden or put my problems on anyone else, I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense or just rambles on.

[dense perch]

if you've been everything have you been debating to be nothing for once

yeah i'm aware that i might be sounding like a total jackass (and a smartass) but i'm trying my best

[dense perch]

btw whats a HRT

[formal pilot]

Hormone Replacement Therapy

[dense perch]

have you considered the gender neutral pronouns for once?

[formal pilot]

I have, I thought I was Agender but I guess I kind of used that as a stepping stone

[real spoke]

i feel like youve went through alot with this but the main thing your struggling with is the dysphoria of looking a mirror and having people sometimes misgender you am i wrong?

[formal pilot]

Yeah

[dense perch]

yay Averly to the rescue

[real spoke]

ok so what i would do seeing that ive looked into this stuff aswell when i was questioning if i was trans i would try to just use makeup maybe something that will push your chest together to make it look like just well yeh and idk how your hair and skin i right now but maybe with some long hair and good hair care and skin care and shaving and stuff you may be able to look even more feminine then you already do and might be able to appreciate how you look

[real spoke]

: D

[real spoke]

im just giving a suggestion btw im not sure wether you have already tried that so yeh sorry if this sound useless btw

[dense perch]

your doing a better job then me atleast

[formal pilot]

Ive been growing my hair out and trying new clothes which reminds me I need to go shopping again, I want to be able to fully come
out to the rest of my family and change my name at work but Im always afraid of my coworkers hating me, I know a few of them do not support LGBTQ

its always my anxiety that gets me whenever I try to tell my family, I came out to my mom via email because I kept getting choked up whenever I tried

All the news and things like that just get to me, these people dont want womens rights like they claim they just want to make our lives harder

I feel like ive found my identity its just my sexuality that I cant figure out either

sorry im rambling

[real spoke]

It’s totally fine you can ramble as much as you need I’m here to listen and just give advice

[dense perch]

and i'm here to try and do the same but Averly is the better expert on this

[formal pilot]

I appreciate it, thank you two

[dense perch]

also coming out via email is relateable,i would do the same tbh (FUCK YOU AUTISM)

[formal pilot]

I feel the same way about anxiety

[dense perch]

just don't try to drown under the pressure

[dense perch]

ah yes,lets take away women rights and we'll see what happens (horrible idea)

[dense perch]

but take your time trying to figure out your sexuallity

rushing it won't help you

Ghost did help me find out i'm aroace (yippee) and it feels like i found a shard of my sense of self

so take your time trying to figure it out

i'm sure there'll be a sexuallity you resonate with

[formal pilot]

I both like and dont like people at the same time

[dense perch]

i HEAVILY dislike talking with people i don't know so thats fine

do not falter Azia

you just need more time to rediscover WHO you are and WHAT you desire

[formal pilot]

idk im starting to think gay, girls are just nice and maybe its because Ive spent too much time around high school boys I just dont like men that much, except for my friends, this isnt meant as an attack against men tho

[real spoke]

i think your in the right place with yourself and youve figured yourself out you just need to get yourself to look more like it so that your dysphoria goes away

[formal pilot]

I think your right