#[ TW: Suicide, SH. ] How, Why am i still here?

38 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

weary root
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It all started on February 10th, 2023 when I found out that my boyfriend (just a friend not a relationship) was self-harming. I was really upset when he told me all the stories that had gone wrong in his life. I helped him a lot and to some extent he even stopped having thoughts of self-harm and suicide. Unfortunately, I was also having a lot of problems at the time. I was in a long-distance relationship with a boy and he helped me to some extent to get away from it, but for whatever reason, he suddenly turned completely against me. To this day, I don't know what's going on. He was constantly talking about me behind my back, but I couldn't end the relationship because I don't even know exactly why, I just couldn't. So I blocked him for the first time, after which he leaked my name and other information about me. I tried to stop him but then he was no longer the only one who was against me but a few more people because he had spoken so badly about me I just couldn't do anything anymore and then I had my lowest phase because at the same time in the background I was having a lot of stress with school because of bullying I haven't been to school since November 2024 and I'm just at home desperately wondering what to do. My mother has registered me somewhere where I will go to the hospital and get therapy there, which I don't want to do at all because I'm just afraid that I won't be accepted there because I'm bisexual and have severe ADHD. I've been doing a private internship for two weeks now to convince my parents that I don't have to go there. I've been cutting myself since 2023 and can't seem to stop. I've often thought about ending it. I accidentally announced my suicide to my parents out of frustration. And because of the hospital stuff, I'm very afraid that sooner or later, due to the extreme stress I'm already getting from thinking about it, I'll try to end it.
I've also had several therapies for depression, and none of them really helped me. I can help others with depression, but I can't help myself.

Can anyone help me pls

Need any further informations just ask im always there f you ping me :9999Pings:

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@alpine crescent

alpine crescent
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Wait, is the boy in the long distance relationship different from the first individual you mentioned?

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Also, did he leak stuff to other people online, or to other individuals you see in real life. Just trying to gauge the severity.

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Could you tell me any more about when he suddenly turned on you?

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Do you still remember the exact happenings of that day?

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Is the bullying you talk about just general bullying or is it specifically focused on your gender identity?

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When you say therapies, do you mean that you have multipul therapists?

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Please don't harm yourself. It sounds like you've managed to convince others to stop doing so, so think about the things you told them. Think about how it hurt you to see them harm themselves, to act as if no one cared. Now remember that the same can be applied here. For example, it hurts me knowing that you are and have been harming yourself. I really care about you, as do others I'm sure, so please don't do that to your body.

weary root
weary root
weary root
alpine crescent
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As for suicide, it at least sounds like you are at least not activly in a suicidal moment. Never the less, as hard and as seemingly unbelivable it can seem, there is the potential to get better. While the the chance may be extremely minute, that is still infinitely bigger than 0. You aren't going to feel any relief if you end it, you'll only feel the final feeling you had before the act, this very same sadness that grips you at this moment. There isn't anything left after to feel that relief, there's no you trying to escape any longer. I know life can seem torturous (I don't know your situation but I'e had my very bad ones) but that is what life is. We have our ups, and we have our deep downs. You may be in a down now, but no matter how deep, you will eventually rise out of it. It will be hard, it will be painful, but you can make it.

weary root
alpine crescent
weary root
weary root
alpine crescent
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Ahh, the infamous roblox...

alpine crescent
weary root
alpine crescent
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I used to play it ages ago.

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Now all I think about are pedos and fascists when I think about that game.

weary root
alpine crescent
# weary root No to his friends or randoms

The one thing you have going for you is he doesn't live in your community. Unfortunately, the only way you have of escaping this (assuming none of your various online accounts have photos of you) is to create all new accounts.

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Once information is leaked, your real information is basically perminantly linked to that account.

weary root
alpine crescent
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But you also would have to drop name and everything I suppose.

weary root
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I already got a new it's called liamhatdichlieb

alpine crescent
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Also, and this is understandibly really hard to do in this day and age, you can always take a break from being online.

weary root
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Liamhatdichlieb is german and in English it's like Liam loves you.

alpine crescent
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As much as it sounds like you'll hate it, I'm just gonna come out and say it, going to a hospital may be beneficial. At the very least, it will prevent you from harming or, if things get really bad, killing yourself. As for bullying, as basically everone there is all struggling with one thing or anotehr, I don't think bullying is gonna be much of an issue. At the end of the day, as much as you want to prove that you can improve on your own, that has to be backed up by facts, and if you're still harming yourself, it means you need intervention from an individual other than yourself. So if you really don't want to go I ask you this, do you feel you are capable of stopping yourself from harming yourself?

alpine crescent
weary root
alpine crescent
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Well that's something!

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I'm really glad to hear that, it makes me feel a lot happier.

weary root
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Yea

alpine crescent
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Alright, I'm gonna be doing other stuff so my replies are gonna become delayed. I just want to finish off with this: People care about you, I care about you, we are here and we will help you through this. I'm so, so sorry that your life has reached such a low but there will come a day when you will leave this pit, reach the light at the end of the tunnel. Until then though, I'll be here to help you whenever you need it.