This is for a friend that needs help ^^

[sage pulsar]

I know this is mostly for people who need help themselves, but I'd appreciate some advice from people for my friend, im not very empathetic so it'd be best if i get others opinions before i do something stupid.

My friend is in a gay online relationship since 4 months, everything started regularly until their partner (who has bpd) Started splitting constantly on them, Actively blocking and unblocking them. this continuous action has led to my friend feeling mentally unwell for weeks and even has began to (TW) ||self harm and starvation|| is what he told me.
His boyfriend is in my view and his a very clingy and sensitive person who even told him to screenshare mine and his chats, and hasn't been online since the screenshare.

My friend has gifted them pretty valuable items in games he plays, even stuff that costs actual money. and actively acts rude to him whenever he wasn't paying attention for even a minute and so now my friend can barely talk to other people anymore. completely isolated and stuck with his partner.

Id appreciate any feedback what i can do for him and what he can do for the relationship

[orchid fox]

This sounds pretty toxic, and maby should first be brought up gently to your friend while telling your concerns and that you care for them (aka not imidiely jumping to :that there bf is very bad, that they shoudent be together or so, it often causes the person to react more against.) ((I hope that somehow helps TwT))

[latent goblet]

I also had something like this before he just needs to get rid of him i know is not that easy.

[sage pulsar]

I have a small update.
My friend (Ill call them V)

V has before been thinking of breaking up with their bf (ill call B) For a bit now but can't bring himself to do so.

V wanted to go to military training later in life, but he won't be able to because he says he and B would be seperated for a bit.

V always coddles him after his Splits And all that mushy stuff, wich I don't mind.
But he does this everytime in a very babying manner, and B isn't learning anything about his behavior.

[neon sable]

I'm with all others, he's gotta get out of that relationship. While I see why it can be excused as a consequence of the splits, people often have an understandibly difficult time being even friends with BP individuals, and while it sounds like he's somewhat understanding, this should not be at the cost of his own mental health.

[sage pulsar]

I have told V multiple times he isn't B's Psychiatrist and is not professional, he couldn't understand much of the situation.

Recently i was added in a gc with them both and another side girl.

I asked them both, what they think of the relationship.
V responded very needy and desperately. He's hanging onto the relationship with a vice grip.

B Is more silent, and distant about it.

V has shared some really deep sensitive stuff about B to me, and B obviously Got mad

[neon sable]

Could you be more precise on how V responded? I'm just curious what were the things he was pointing out.

[sage pulsar]

V kept telling B how he tries his hardest for him, we always writes big paragraphs to B to apologize over n over. B even shared throughout the entire relationship (3 months) that V said "im sorry" over 300 times and that's bugging B

[neon sable]

It honestly sounds like neither side of the relationship is doing very well. Would you say B has any interest in ending it as well?

[sage pulsar]

Well, B is- How do i say....Very straight forward yet VERY secure in how he speaks.
Everytime they fight he gives off strong vibes that he wants to end the relationship. but once the fight is over he becomes all clingy again.

[neon sable]

Hmm. Sounds like this really needs to be split up. Unfortunately, I’m not the best when it comes to dealing with relationships so I’m not quite sure how to go around doing that, especially in a situation like this. It should be mentioned however that if this ever does eventually feel like it’s putting too much pressure on you, remember that you are not required to assist in someone else’s situation. The best you may be able to do is tell them what you think. After that, there isn’t a lot more you can do unfortunately…

[sage pulsar]

Yes i am aware of that, i have said multiple times that relationship won't last long especially with how unhealthy it is. Yet V keeps clinging on like a fly glued to a trap.