maybe i need help, idk

[whole spindle]

I'm really bad, I can't do anything but break everything, I can't contain my anger issues, I feel guilty for everything I've done, I'm afraid of losing people and I care more about other people than about myself, I can't see myself at 30 because I don't have any expectations of life after I leave home, I hate being alone but sometimes I I love being alone to think about life. I have no self-esteem, I have no self-love, I just want to end it all quickly, I can't pay attention in class anymore because I'm thinking how to improve my life, but I just can't. (TW: SH) ||I really take my anger out on my body, I have no other way to take my anger out or distract myself. After I spend all my anger on my body, I feel insecure and guilty,,||

I'm a trans boy and I really hate my body, the only things I like are my body hair bc I feel more masculine with it. I really want to cut my hair for me to feel better, but I just can't, I'm afraid of how I might look afterwards, since I'm very ugly, I'm afraid it'll get worse, I really don't know how to ask for help 🔥🔥

I want attention, but not like that, I want to have friends, I want to be more confident, but I just can't. My psychology is all fucked up, I wish I was funny so I could see my friend laughing and being happy, but I can't even do half of it.

I want to be loved, even if it's fake love, I want to feel loved,,

[stoic cape]

#🆘｜crisis-help-channels

I think

[whole spindle]

ty

[obtuse cipher]

As someone who struggles with loneliness and at the same time is an introvert, l've put thought to this conundrum before. It feels overwhelmingly exhausting to try and engage in conversation, that's if you don't already have the issue of social anxiety, and yet, despite enjoying time alone, this extreme longing grips you.

Unfortunately, I myself have yet to tind the solution to this conundrum but if it helps even the tiniest amount, don't feel alone in the struggle.