void bough
title
i feel looked over. "he doesn't need help, he's fine.", "you're sad? you live in a house, you get to go to school, some kids don't have that privilege-" SHUT UP.
i stand on the front porch trying not to break down crying because you couldn't tell me how to simply tie up the dog. instead you tell me that you're "gonna have a heart attack". STOP EXAGGERATING. YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK BECAUSE I ASKED YOU FOR HELP.
i had the highest scores in the school on all three mock exams. first thing she does when i show her one of them? call her friend and start yapping how i made a dumb mistake.
i got through to the next stages in 6 competitions. i have a real chance at having 1st place in another national one. instead she starts yelling at me because i asked her to drive me to one. to a place barely 10 minutes away.
and what does she do after my dad took me there? threaten to take away his parental rights. for the fifth time this year.
i have a speech impediment. a bad one. i get yelled at often just for speaking the way i speak. but when i ask her to take me to some doctor? "i'm not taking you to a doctor just because you can't pronounce the letter r". believe it or not, it's not just the letter r. i stutter, i have such a strong accent, quite often people dont understand me. i get made fun of because of it. but she doesn't care.
she gets 800zl from the government per month. she somehow exploited the court so that she gets 1000zl from my dad per month. and where does the money go? 2 pairs of socks just so she can prove she used the money, and the rest for her own stuff.
my dad owns the house. yet she doesn't let him in. nor has she given him the stuff he left after moving out back. and she dared to tell me that she can sue him because quality of life fell after she kicked him out BY HER OWN CHOICE?
i can't talk to her about anything personal. whatever i tell her she will tell to her friends. i can't talk to her about my identity stuff. she's homophobic. i can't talk to her about school. because i'll just get yelled at for getting a grade lower than a 4.
i tell her im stressed out? "you're too young, you don't know what actual stress is."
i tell her i feel sick? "you're not sick and we both know that." and then i get blamed for "not telling her" when i actually come down with something.
i get called selfish, a jerk, i get told that "i'm just like my father" for asking to get driven ONE TIME to a competition.
she drove my sister around like 20 psychiatrists just to get her an add diagnosis.
meanwhile i get asked at school if im diagnosed with dysgraphia. i get asked if there's something wrong with me EVERYDAY.
i fidget, twitch, tremble when i have to say even the SHORTEST SENTENCE in front of the class.
i get straight A's and she doesn't even bat an eye. my sister barely passes THIRD GRADE and she looks like she wants to throw a party.
i have to buy school supplies WITH MY OWN MONEY. that's one of the things the government fund i mentioned earlier is for.
"i don't have money to buy you that stupid stuff." all i wanted was a single photo frame. yet she has money to throw all over her little boyfriend WHO IS MARRIED. and she has money to give to my sister whenever she wants yet another bts cd.
at this point i'm just stuck in the belief that it's my fault. that i'm not good enough. that i must have done something to disappoint her.
i just want to be normal.
-- inf, 18.12.2024 9:13PM.
void bough
just got yelled at because i was tired. BECAUSE I WAS TIRED.
well im sorry for feeling so sick all day. im sorry for not sleeping well because you decide to make out with your little boyfriend at 3am. I'M SORRY FOR BEING ALIVE AT THIS POINT.