Tw suicide, abuse, drugs

[wooden lodge]

m0rbid_g0d has been timed out for 15m
Reason: Posting Walls Of Text

m0rbid_g0d | 1222305180746514543

[cedar matrix]

so so sorry about that
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[regal oasis]

Rule: [8C] Flag Commonly Abusive Content
Channel: #1184731154667020359

m0rbid_g0d

||i feel empty most of the time, I've sort of always hated myself and I've sort of just wanted to die I've almsot done it before i also I'm not even meant to have discord
I live with my aunt because both my parents are physically abusive and drug addicts and my aunt isnt any better she makes me feel like shit she blames me for everything, she keeps making sexual comments about stuff i do example i said i stuggled to swallow pills then she said that i wouldnt find a boyfriend. My body is in constant pain and she wont help me this year i went to the dentist for the first time in almost 7 years because she never took me. I'm scared because of my autism shes going to push for me to be incapable of working which ill end up trapped with her. Shes transphobic too which sucks because i want to be a boy so fucking bad. I hate everything i cant even sleep at night and because i cant sleep at night and im forced to go to bed at a certain time (9pm) im still awake and then because im still awake and with nothing to do i start thinking about my problems which makes me spiral which then makes me cry, and lately ive noticed my friends dont last longer than a week, im a horrible person and i know that ive got a lot of toxic traits, like im jealous, possessive clingy and obsessive and today i was making those dumbass flags and my friend called me lazy and said their names were boring but i dont think they meant it negatively but they thought i was angry which ended our call and we havent really called much my aunt also keeps telling me im going to turn out like my parents which hurts a lot because i was trying to be someone. But i look at myself more and more and i dont even see myself as a real person i just mimic people to feel closer to them ive been trying my hardest but i dont really have much to offer people have claimed to like my clingyness but if they liked it why would they abandon me?
I'm sorry if this is hard to understand i struggle to make stuff make sense||

Oct 5, 2024, 10:23 PM

[rocky dew]

I just reread that and half that shit dont make sense no more

[cedar matrix]

makes sense to me
it sucks that you have to deal with all that, like genuinely, yoy strike me as a really nice and pleasant person to be around and conversation with you has been fun and positive
im not sure why people would abandon you, even if you have some negative traits. like those are all generally normal, especially given your situation? id be attached to the people that gave me the time of day too

i hope things get better for you sometime soon :/ if you ever need someone to talk to about literally whatever, im pretty usually all ears unless im also doing shitty ig lol

[rocky dew]

Thank you

[rocky dew]

It happened again

My most recent friendship lasted a week then they disappeared again

Im so tired rn