||I'm really thinking about going out into the woods and killing myself. My depression has only gotten worse since I moved here from Texas and my grandparents yell at me for being a failiure more than my parents do. I've almost lost all forms of contact because my mother still believes I shouldn't be allowed Discord unless I download her spyware app, and if that happens and I get locked out then just assume i've commited suicide. My dad is on nicotine and yells at me even more, and I just wanna cry for an hour but if I do it's a sign of weakness. I have to listen to the adults compare homosexuality to pedophillia and zoophillia which is disgusting, and every day i'm the one who does the dishes, cleans up after everyone (including the adults) and keeps myself from dying all without getting paid. I've already cut myself before and no one ever noticed, so I guess they don't care enough to look at the scars on my arms. There's a lake down in the forest I can drown myself in. I look at it all the time and think it could be so easy to end all my suffering now, but then again I don't like the thought of drowning to death so, I haven't. My arms are still a bit blood-stained and no one even cares. Forget three more years, I won't even be home for Christmas at this point.||
#TW: self harm, suicide
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timid cobalt
I'm so sorry, Callum... Ik life sucks rn but please don't ||commit die.|| Texas is known to be overly religious and queerohobic but you'll be able to get out of there eventually. I say all this because I care about you
bold shoal
I'm so sorry, Callum... Ik life sucks rn but please don't ||commit die.|| Texas ...
I said I was moving from Texas. Now I live in the middle of the woods in Missouri.
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||My dumbass thinking I could talk about it to my grandmother, boy was I fucking wrong! She says I don't know what real suicidal thoughts are like, and that I have it so easy compared to her childhood, like wtf this isn't the victorian era or some shit not all children are forced to work a minimum wage job normally. She said the way I was acting was pathetic and i'm only trying to grab attention by making a suicide joke. I was so tempted to pull up my sleeves and show all the red cuts that haven't healed yet but then i'd be taken to an asylum like she did with my uncle. I swear I could go down to the river and drown and she'd call it a publicity stunt. What's the point i've got 987 days left, and i'm getting impatient I might just give up.||
timid cobalt
I understand... my family did similar stuff with me when I was in worse mental health. I'm sorry this is happening to you, Callum
You deserve a family who supports and loves you, and who's willing to help you through these struggles
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||sick of being seen by my family as someone's property, and seen by everyone else as insignificant. why keep hurting myself even further by continuing to believe there's hope for better days? i'm done, i want to die, and i wish i could have died with empty thoughts but no i have to be thinking about my friends all the time, who i do nothing but let down. don't tell me otherwise because i know how bullshit is. cleaning up the small spots of blood that drips from my arms, it's sickening and it feels like i'm just waiting to snap into insanity and stab myself before i second guess.||
timid cobalt
I think I speak for all of us as friends but you don't disappoint or let me down at all. You're a very caring individual very much valuable and worthy of love. Your family are the real worthless ones here and it's wrong of them to take out their own troubles on you
Please don't ||commit die||, Callum
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|| Me: has thoughts of drowning myself in a nearby pond in the woods. Random ass chance: "Oh would you look at that the whole fucking area is having a drought looks like the pond is drying up!" Drowning didn't appeal to me anyway, you have a near-death experience with drowning as a child and that shit sticks with you. That must be where my thalassophobia comes from.||
timid cobalt
Wow, that's insane. I'm glad that idea at very least didn't appeal to you
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||Idea: Just traumatize me in every deadly way possible and I don't wanna die anymore.||
timid cobalt
Oh god
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||I have so many problems rn, I just wanna end the suffering||
||my parents are awful||
||i'm all alone with no one to talk to most of the time||
||i'm wondering if being genderfluid is just me trying to hide the fact that I might wanna be transfem but I don't wanna face that reality yet||
||I keep cutting my arms so deep that eventually it'll get serious of my parents will find my scars||
||I hit my head against a hard object or the wall and give myself really bad migraines so that I don't feel anything but the pain||
||I hate christmas because all it's about religion and family and I hate both of those||
||I want to follow my dreams and goals but it feels like i'm just not good enough to even try||
||I just wanna die, and I hate that I might survive to 2025.||