#I just feel like I will never have a full connection...

81 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

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⚠️ TW: ||Rape, drugs, abuse, sh, mentions of mental issues and triggers||

For the last couple of days it has been rough with me and my GF. Not really relationship wise, but her mental state and I hate how I am still in some denial that it is not effecting me. We been together for almost 3 months now and I know alot about her past and issues. School been very stressful for both of us and especially her and in that stress she been also going through withdrawals from drugs as she been trying to get off pills.

The main issue I have been having is during one of the more stressful times, my GF was having a manic episode and she goes "Can you stop trying to fucking help me, you will understand my feelings and what I am going through so stop" which really hurt me as I been trying to help her and she was starting to get better but what do I know. After she said that, I took some time off discord and just started thinking does she have a point. She been (TW part) ||raped twice (ages 7 and 13), been addicted to light to mid level drugs since 11, had small alcohol problem from 11-14, vaping since 2022 when she has them (both nic and weed), been in multiple abusive relationships, parents situation is complex as both are supportive but also neglectful in certain ways, most likely (from seeing people with bpd and living with someone who used to have bpd) has undiagnosed BPD, has had suicidal thoughts since age of 10 and more stuff I won't get into but yea||. Me personally I never have ||smoked, drink, vaped, been raped, self harmed except small cuts but not to serious level, have supportive parents, and most of my relationships before this one been quite, you can say normal||. Like the more I think about it, the more I am like "I never will truly understand her feelings and how to properly help" which is crushing to me bc all I want to do is help her. I just want to know if my feelings are normal and if there is anything else I can do bc I am starting to get mentally drained from this..

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actually fuck this whole thing

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She broke up with me for another guy she has liked for years even tho I have been told by her and her friends I am better

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So fuck life, fuck everything, and I hope none of yall have to go through this

woeful robin
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shit dude thats fucking terrible, im so sorry to hear that

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I miss her so fucking much

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I love how see can be so happy with him but still knows I am here destroying inside

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I have started self harming again

upbeat spade
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# upbeat spade I am so sorry you had experience this but none of your fault and it sounds like ...

It is ok and ik it isn't my fault, I just numb at this point to it all and she probably does but what do I know. How can I compare to 6'4" skinnier guy who actually there, probably has some more common interest then me and her, and best of all probably better then me at school. Like he is better then me probably in every category besides relationship experience and how to treat her but she will look past that. All she ever wanted was him. I just helped heal her abit so could be better for him

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I mean I knew it was a matter of time before she finds someone better or I somehow fuck up and she leaves me. Like all the nights she said she was afraid to lose me were lies, all the nights I listen to her cry and tell me I am best for her were lies, I wonder what other lies she has told me. Yet I still believe her and everything she says. Chances of me finding someone is like 0 here because I am not good looking, I weight 277 pounds, I am only 5'10". No one going to want me so I might as well give up

upbeat spade
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Don't compare yourself, I'm sure you can find someone better for you, especially mental health wise. I'm still sorry you're upset

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and tbh, all the self harm I am doing is running a need down my arm and wrist, not cuts or real injury, just pain and lines I can rub away so no one can see

upbeat spade
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I understand

upbeat spade
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I am grateful for everyone who is there for me.. just worried I push people away to much

upbeat spade
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Sometimes I get put off or seriously concerned if someone vents about the same thing too much so what I do is recommend they get more professional help and either mute them for a while or block them partially for the sake of my own mental health, which already isn't the best, lol. But you haven't done it that much and while it's serious and still concerning, I feel no reason to do either

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And I am going no contact with her

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Hopefully that should help

upbeat spade
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Good

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Do whatever you feel the need to do

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Did I get pinged?

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@blissful flume did someone send something here

blissful flume
sudden steppeBOT
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Deleted Message

Shit bro. that’s fucking horrible man tbh don’t think shit like u said “how can I compare to someone 6’4” it’s not like he’s better than you because he’s tall bro. You don’t need her man if she’s gonna leave you that easily you don’t have to care if she was never real why should u give a shit bro. Hope u get better ( ps no hurting yourself)

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rough ice
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Fml

upbeat spade
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0_0

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🙄

upbeat spade
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Oh wow

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I am starting to realize she might be a gold digger too

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💀 whenever she mentions Wes she always talks about money or every conversation we have leads eventually to money

upbeat spade
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Holy crap, sounds like you dodged a bullet when you 2 broke up 😬

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Bro the plot is just getting stranger, so the original issue why I made this page was bc I felt like we don’t much a connection bc of certain traumas that have happened and such, I am one of 5 people that fully know about them. Her parents (2), her old and new therapist (2) and me. So if she is ever having mental health issues or needs to talk to someone.. I am the only one she can go too

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And to make the deal better, she is starting to regret leaving me bc yes Wes is closer and can do more stuff with her, he still hasn’t asked her officially out and can’t connect with her on most affection or emotional levels

upbeat spade
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Oof

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This is like a movie saga at this point

upbeat spade
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Hey, Wes sounds like me, lol. Despite my hearing about being very empathetic

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There are some other things but not going to get into them due to nature of the conversations, but she is starting to really her feelings for me are still fully there and she thinking about asking me back if he doesn’t soon 😭

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It’s been not even 3 weeks 😭

upbeat spade
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Damn, dude

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I really wouldn't, she sounds like a psycho

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But you do you. Just be safe

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Either that or her bipolar just getting worse

upbeat spade
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Couldn't tell ya, idk her, lol

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Yea thanks for listening tho, I just using this whole thread to vent in real time at this point

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Enjoy my life saga ratDance2

upbeat spade
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Fair enough, I hope it's helping you

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OH LORD

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I AM FIRED UP

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@blissful flume please make sure I don’t get blocked here bc the shit I just heard has me made enough to kill somebody

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It got blocked idc

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My ex faked her own r@p3

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She lied about it to me, to friends, to even her family and other people

upbeat spade
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Oh wow

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That's insane

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Yea

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A lot of details need to be ironed out to make a full story but in the last hour I just learned of a lot of lies

upbeat spade
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I see

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They broke up 💀

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They “dated” for around a week and now broke up bc he didn’t feel the same way she did

blissful flume
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nahhh

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Sooo

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Something happened and after some talking

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||we might get back together, I can’t wait for the backlash here||

blissful flume
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woeful robin
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that's not a great idea

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Why I said might

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We aren’t back yet, just she keeps saying stuff and idk

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I do miss her

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||I am going to be killed||

woeful robin
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i mean. you obviously know it's not the best idea?

worn thicket
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she’s a fucking scumbag who doesnt deserve it